Category: Books

5 Questions with Sally Koslow

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Last month I posted a review of the book Slouching Toward Adulthood by Sally Koslow.  I remarked that while the book – about Generation Y’s slow pace

through life – was interesting, I found it rather sad.  Ms. Koslow, a Baby Boomer herself did a lovely job researching and writing about the history of both the Boomers and the Gen Y’ers.  I, a Gen X’er, simply found the whole topic irritating and wondered how my generation fits in between these two massive, sometimes self-centered, hugely influential generations.

Ms. Koslow was nice enough to agree to answer a few questions to help me get to the bottom of my concerns – as well as to help me (and you!) get to know her better. I am so grateful that this author, teacher, editor, wife, and mother took a moment to speak to me…Welcome, Ms. Koslow!

Dr. S: Given that Gen Y seems to be having a lot of fun traveling, teaching English all over the world, and living as long as possible without taking on adult-like commitments like mortgages and 401K’s – do you think the rest of us would benefit from adopting their worldview? Are we missing the boat by being too serious?
S.K.: I see a lot Gen X-ers and Boomers having fun. No one can accuse us of being too deep. And while sometimes the random acts of wandering you describe among Gen Y-ers allow them to hit on the magic combination to a padlock that frees up lasting contentment, for some people,–let’s be honest–this behavior is simply procrastination married to moral superiority. While researching Slouching Toward Adulthood, I met many Gen Y-ers who seemed to assume that there would always be enough time to do everything they want and that every light in front of them would always turn green. I worry that if they spend too many years in the activities you mention, they may miss out on other opportunities that they will enjoy. How many Gen Y-ers won’t evolve into cynics who wish that someone had kicked them in the butt when they were younger so they’d have already found a career path with which they can be reasonably happy and have started to build a life that makes it possible to provide a comfortable home for themselves and possibly children?

Dr. S.: As a Gen X’er I am interested to hear your thoughts about how my generation fits in between the Boomers and the Gen Y’ers? Or are we too small to be relevant?
S.K.: Many Gen X’ers are now thought leaders, rising in every profession. Your impact grows by the day.  You’re had the good fortunate to have graduated from college and professional schools when there was less unemployment than there is now. Gen Y-ers have drawn the short straw.

Dr. S.: What are you reading now?
S.K.: I’m in the middle of The Odd Women by George Gissing, a British author popular in the late 1880’s. This novel is fascinating and surprisingly contemporary, though a bit one-note. It’s set in London and explores hardships faced by single women as well as inequalities in and outside marriage. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose—the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Dr. S.: Please tell me a bit about your new book coming out in June.
S.K.: The Widow Waltz, my fifth book, is a coming of age novel. One of the women is 50–it’s never too late to grow up—and will be published by Viking, It focuses on a recent widow as well as her daughters in their 20’s and the paths their lives take after the death of their husband/father. It’s a story of resilience built on the infrastructure of a mystery.

Dr. S.: One of the things I often write about is how to manage stress. We all know yoga is great, but I love to hear about some more creative solutions to stress management. For example, I have written that one of my go-to strategies is watching House Hunters. What do you do to manage your stress?
S.K.: Besides reading? I watch funny movies that I’ve seen so many times I can lip-synch. Topping my current rotation are Bridesmaids and As Good as It Gets. A few years ago I would have named Clueless and My Cousin Vinnie. After dipping into any of these films for a random ten minutes I feel mellow.

Thanks Ms. Koslow! To learn more about Ms. Koslow and her other books check out her website – www.SallyKoslow.com.  Click here to buy Slouching Toward Adulthood.  After reading it, let me know your thoughts!

Book Review: Slouching Toward Adulthood

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I recently read Slouching Toward Adulthood, by Sally Koslow after hearing an interview with the author on the radio.  It seemed like an interesting topic – Generation Y’s reluctance to embrace adulthood and their effect on the culture, job market, and their Baby Boomer parents.  While I am neither a Boomer nor a Gen Y’er, I certainly know lots of people in those demographics, and am aware of the massive influence these groups have on our society at large.

Here’s the thing: I couldn’t make it though the book because it was so darn depressing! Maybe not everyone would find it so, but I sure did.  The mentality of entitlement in Gen Y of which the author writes is tough to take, and the self-important attitude she describes in Boomers became nauseating.  Obviously not every person in these generations falls within these stereotypes, but the thought that even a few might was too much for me to read about after a while.

We all know that the Baby Boomers have changed the world with every step in their development (hippies to yuppies to active retirees).  So it makes sense that their kids would follow a novel path, too.  Besides, what adultescent (as Koslow calls them) would want to leave parents who have supported them emotionally, financially, and otherwise everyday of their lives?  Not only that, but these Boomer parents laid out a life path so smooth for their children that it was devoid of any real challenge, heartbreak, or disappointment.  And through it all truly believed that their children hung the moon?  With a childhood like that, I wouldn’t want to leave the nest either.  Who would?

The dynamics between Gen Y and Baby Boomers are probably important for us to be aware of, as we all have to live in the world they have (or will) create.  But for me, a stereotypically independent and skeptical Gen X’er, this book was just too much.

Consequently, in researching this post, I did come across this article on alternet.org: How Generation X Got the Shaft But Can Still Keep Everything From Sucking.  Now that sounds like my cup of tea.

 

 

Psychology and Reading – Top Picks

I LOVE to read.  In fact, in the past few years it has eclipsed House Hunters as my go-to stress reliever.  I thought I would take this love of books and give you some of my faves.  I’ll start with psychology and mental health oriented picks (smart and professional, huh?) and then give you a couple fun picks.

Top Book for Couples:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  This is an oldie but goodie and I recommend it all the time.  I even recommend it for single folks because it can help us all learn more about ourselves.  It’s an easy read, totally relate-able, and so old that you can find it at the library or a used book store for super cheap.  Note: bypass the new versions and stick with the original.

Top Books for Parents:

The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness by Edward Hallowell.  I read this book for the first time before I even had kids of my own – I liked it then and now.  Dr. Hallowell’s writing style is honest and straightforward, but he doesn’t talk down to his readers as many parenting book authors do.

Parenting Your Out of Control Child by George Kapalka.  I recently read this book, and while the writing left a bit to be desired, the message was good.  In particular I loved the chapter describing how to set up a system of parenting based on rewards rather than punishments.  I like this strategy of parenting and Dr. Kapalka’s is the best description I’ve seen.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua.  Ms. Chua has gotten a lot of flack for her parenting style, but I thought the book was superb.  Funny, down-to-earth, and completely unique – it is worth checking out.  Plus, after I reviewed her book on this blog, Ms. Chua wrote to me – how cool is that?!

Top Book for Kids:

Mind Over Basketball by Weierbach and Phillips-Hershey.  I use this book in my practice all the time. It is especially good for boys in elementary school.  Parents can work with their kids chapter by chapter, or it can be used by professionals.  The techniques for cooling down during periods of stress or anger are useful and understandable.

Top Book About Living with Mental Illness:

Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety by Daniel Smith.  This sort-of-funny-sort-of-disturbing book is certainly entertaining.  Author Smith also writes a blog about his life and anxiety at The Monkey Mind Chronicles if you don’t want to read the whole book.

Top Book You Won’t Be Embarrassed to Read (i.e., more literary):

The Newlyweds by Nell Freudenberger.  This was one of my favorite books this summer.  I love Ms. Freudenberger’s description of her characters (they’re all flawed, just like normal people) and the stories don’t necessarily end happily.  In fact you’re not even sure how (or if) they end at all, which is even better.  Her novel, The Dissident, from a few years ago is good, too.

Top Book You Might be Embarrassed to Read (i.e., more trashy):

Since I can’t recommend The Twilight Saga since Bella has fallen from grace, and since I am still 167th on the waiting list at the library for 50 Shades of Grey, I had to dig back in the archives for this one.  So here it is: The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris.  Like Twilight for grown-ups this series is kind of silly, totally fantastical, sexy, and has lots of volumes (12 or 13?) – just like I like my trashy reads.  Better yet, TrueBlood is (sort of) based on these novels – but don’t even get me started on that guilty pleasure.

Happy Reading!

 

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother – a Review

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You probably heard about this book when it came out last year and made a big splash.  People all over the country were talking about it and ripping the author, Amy Chua, to shreds.  I’d been meaning to read the book, and finally did yesterday (yes, all in one day) after being reminded of it on the Today Show earlier this week.

Here’s the deal: I LOVED the book!  It is a witty, funny, and enlightening read.  I highly recommend it.  As Ms. Chua noted on the Today Show (sorry I couldn’t find the clip), most of the people who criticized her parenting style and book, probably hadn’t read it.  The criticisms were mostly that her “Chinese style of mothering” was too harsh and dictatorial.  Ms. Chua freely admits that she has extremely high expectations of her two daughters and reprimands them, berates them, and puts them down when they don’t meet her expectations.  She notes, however, that this is out of love, a strong desire to see them succeed, a belief that they have the ability to excel in all areas, and an expectation that when they leave her home for the “real world” they will thrive on their own.

I’m not sure I would call this autobiography/memoir a parenting book, in that it doesn’t include step-by-step instructions on how to raise children in the “Chinese” method.  But that’s OK with me, because as I have written before, I am no fan of parenting books in general.  Here’s why I prefer Ms. Chua’s book to some of the other, perhaps more popular, parenting books on the shelves:

She’s humble and admits mistakes.  Being a parent means failing – a lot.  We say the wrong things to our kids, our partners, and other parents all the time.  However, very few parenting books recognize this.  Ms. Chua is quite forthcoming in her failures and resulting guilt.  It’s refreshing to hear someone be so honest.

One size doesn’t fit all.  One of the main points of the book is that the parenting style that works for her older daughter doesn’t work for the younger one, no matter how much she tried.  Yet another point that is missing in many parenting books.  Kids are different for pete’s sake.  Of course a discipline/motivation technique that worked with one kid might not work with the next.

Kids might be stronger than we give them credit for.  Ms. Chua asserts that “Western” parents sometimes assume that kids are fragile and their egos will be wounded if not given constant praise, even if that praise isn’t really earned.  She notes that “Chinese” parents assume their kids are strong, competent, and can withstand criticism of all kinds – in fact it will likely make them stronger.  I think this is an interesting idea.  Is it true that some of us with “Western” parenting styles coddle our kids too much?

Regardless of whether you agree with Ms. Chua’s tough, take-no-prisoners parenting style this book is a worthwhile read.  Not only is it super entertaining, it will also broaden your idea of what it means to be a parent in different cultures.  There are lots of ways to raise happy, healthy, and successful kids – and her way might just be one you want to consider.

Update: Amy Chua was kind enough to forward me a more recent piece of her’s which appeared in the Wall Street Journal in December 2011.  Take a look at how Tiger parenting works for the college kid (it sounds like a breeze!).  Thanks, Ms. Chua for forwarding this along!