Category: Current Events

Food and Mood: Why Does Comfort Food Make Us Feel Better?

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A few weeks ago a reporter who I have worked with several times called me up to ask about an article.  The catch was, she didn’t want me to comment on stress management tips or parenting techniques like I usually do – she wanted to talk about comfort foods. “Yahoo! Sign me up!” I said. I love to eat and cook – and what is better than comfort food?  Then she asked if she could come to my house with a photographer to actually watch me make some comfort food of my own! After that, she would sit down with my family and eat with us.  I was so flattered and excited that I literally got tears in my eyes as I agreed.

A few days later the reality set in: I had to cook? In front of a bunch of people? And make my own, original recipe? Yikes.

After taking a family poll, it was agreed that our first choice of comfort food meals is homemade macaroni and cheese.  Our second choice was white chocolate pumpkin bread french toast.  After speaking with the reporter and learning that she had already done a feature on mac and cheese, it was determined that I would make the french toast.

Let me just say this: I have A LOT more respect for people who cook on camera, write cookbooks, and cook for a living. It is hard work! I tried to be as organized as I could before the newspaper entourage arrived (can an entourage be made up of 2 people?) – but still found myself scurrying around the kitchen.  I think I was more nervous for this interview than any others I have done – including the ones on television and live radio.

But, I made it! And the best part was my family and I were able to celebrate the accomplishment with fresh comfort food.  Check out the article here:

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Do I look nervous?

 

This experience was so much fun, it has inspired me to add a new feature to the blog: Food and Mood.  Stay tuned to see what it’s all about.

Book Review: Far From the Tree

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I think there might be something “funny” in the pages of Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon, because I couldn’t every time I tried to stop reading it, I kept getting pulled back in.  Let me explain…

I first learned of Mr. Solomon’s book while listening to an interview on NPR.  He explained that he had spent several years interviewing families about their children who had a fallen “far from the tree,” meaning they were very different from their parents.  This may have been because of a mental illness (schizophrenia), a physical disability (deafness), or the circumstances surrounding their conception (in rape).  I thought the topic sounded interesting as I frequently work with parents whose children are markedly different.  “Hmmm,” I thought, “I’m sure I can learn a thing or two.” Boy, was that an understatement.

Fast forward a few weeks, and the book arrives for my review, and it is ONE THOUSAND PAGES!  So, even though I make a point to read all my reviews cover to cover, I thought Far From the Tree would be the exception. I thought I’d read the introductory chapter, a few in the middle (the chapters are organized by topic; for example one chapter is on prodigies, another on transgender), and call it good.  It didn’t work out that way. Every time I tried to put the book down, it called to me from my night stand.  Wouldn’t you know, I read the whole thing. No, not read, devoured.  Because here’s the thing: this book is fantastic.

Not only is Far From the Tree superbly written – it was literally a thrill to read the finely crafted words – but the content was outstanding as well.  Mr. Solomon challenges us to think differently about how we love, but also (and in my opinion, even more importantly) how we define and understand disability.  What makes someone normal or abnormal, and who gets to decide these criteria? Psychologists? Law makers? Physicians? Pop culture and media?  These are important conversations, especially as we as an American culture are trying to expand our view of what is acceptable and/or normal, while (hopefully) simultaneously extending legal, healthcare, and other benefits to people who used to be considered well outside of the norm.

Many of the chapters were gut-wrenching, but even through teary-eyes I couldn’t stop reading.  Mr. Solomon’s many interviewees were so candid and thoughtful in the way they described their families and children.  Mr. Solomon obviously went to great lengths to create strong relationships with these families and individuals; he is a gifted man.

I heartily recommend this book.  Pick through it chapter by chapter, or read it in bits and pieces over time.  The messages, the struggles, and the questions posed are important for all of us to consider – whether our children have fallen far from us or not.

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Check out this review on Mr. Solomon's site!

Check out this review on Mr. Solomon’s site!

Thrift Shops and Mental Health

Hello Dr. Stephanie readers! I apologize for being absent for the the last few days.  I am prepping for an exciting event this afternoon! I will be sure to post details after it has happened (and is published!).

My posts so far this year have been pretty serious, so I thought I would keep it lighthearted today – it is Friday after all!  For those DIY’ers out there, you may already be familiar with the blog Young House Love.  It’s a blog written by a young couple as they tackle home projects including construction, decorating, yardwork, etc.  It’s fun to read with lots of cool photos.  Even if you are not a DIY’er it is worth checking out.  Anyway, they posted a thrift shop challenge last week inspired by this song by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (note: this is the clean version, so may be OK to share with the kiddos in your house):

I am going to forgo my urge to write about the merits of this song (because it encourages originality in dress and thinking, promotes inter-generational understanding, and challenges our materialistic culture that makes us feel as though we need to spend $50 on a t-shirt to be cool).  I am also going to resist writing about the pitfalls of this song (trashy language galore).  Instead I am going to focus on the FUN of it!  It simply makes me smile.

I had a professor in graduate school who frequently warned that “happiness is not a hot dog.”  I’m still – 10+ years later! – trying to figure out what that means, but I think it has something to do with not expecting happiness in things, food, or anything else external.  True happiness comes from within.  That may be, but sometimes silly, funny, and charming things do the trick in the short term.  Those are important pieces of mental health too.

I’m signing off now and keeping the rest of my psychology-heavy thoughts to myself.  Have fun listening, watching and thrifting!

Book Review: Living with Depression by Deborah Serani

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It’s not often that I am surprised.  But Dr. Deborah Serani’s book, Living with Depression, did just that – surprised me.  I was expecting a sort of boring book about depression – how it starts, why it ends – but was thrilled to discover (and within the first chapter no less!) something very different about Dr. Serani’s book!  Not only does she write about the topic as a expert in psychology (she’s a psychologist in private practice, as well as a professor), but also from the perspective of someone who has dealt with depression on a very personal level.

There have been other psychologists who have written about their own struggles with mental illness, but I found Dr. Serani’s candid admissions and forthcoming attitude about her mental health history to be not only refreshing but intriguing. I found myself wishing she had written more about herself and her family (full disclosure: While Dr. Serani and I have never met in “real” life, we have had several conversations via social media in the last few years).  And while it’s been done before, integrating personal and professional knowledge about depression made the whole book a quick and informative read.

In addition to recounting her own story, Dr. Serani also does a great job outlining all aspects of depression from the mundane (insurance coverage for treatment) to the academic (how psychiatric medications and psychotherapy actually work), to the most basic (what depression is, exactly).  I was most impressed with her discussion of what psychotherapy is and isn’t, and what one should and should not expect from it.  For example, psychotherapy patients should expect to work hard, be challenged, and make a real commitment to the process.  They should not expect to be given advice, get a “quick fix,” or find meaningful change in their lives without a bit of internal struggle.

I also love that Dr. Serani mentioned some (not very glamorous) but important aspects of treating depression, including getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, engaging in meaningful relationships, exercising, and maintaining a relatively tidy, organized home.  It’s not often that we see these things mentioned as part of an overall plan for the treatment of depression, so I was thrilled to see them get some air time in her book.

Living with Depression is a book that I will be glad to have on my shelf.  I highly recommend it for practitioners and lay people alike.  It is a quick, relatively easy read and individual chapters can serve as references in isolation. Check it out here.

Elf on the Shelf: Cool or Creepy?

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Am I the last mother on Earth not to adopt Elf on the Shelf as a holiday season behavioral management tool?  I think I may be.

I don’t actually own an Elf on the Shelf, so I am no expert, but the whole idea seems a little bit creepy to me.  A doll that watches your every move, reports everything back to Santa, and can’t be touched by humans?  Am I missing something?

From my super-scientific Facebook research I notice that many of my friends and colleagues use EOTS to help their kids stay in line during holiday season.  And it looks like parents also have fun finding a place for him to move each night after the kids are in bed.  Here are some thoughts:

The psychologist (and Scrooge) in me says: This is not a good thing.  Not only is the idea of a little elf running around the house, and then flying up to the North Pole and back scary for kids (and adults, eek!), but lying to our kids and coercing them into good behavior with the threat of being exposed to Santa? – this can’t be a psychologically healthy parenting tool!  And don’t even get me started on Santa himself: what are we telling our kids anyway? Stay away from strangers all year, except this large guy whose face is obscured by all manner of facial hair.  And kids, don’t just talk to him, sit on his lap and whisper in his ear about all the material things you want but probably can’t afford and certainly don’t need. Blech.

The parent in me says: This sounds like a lot of work.  So on top of everything else this month I have to remember to move this little guy around…or else?  After asking my kids their thoughts, #1 says she thought it would be creepy, too.  She even wondered aloud how scary it would be to have something roaming around in the house while we were all asleep.  Child #2 says we NNEEEEEEDD an Elf on the Shelf because everyone else has one, and she would probably have perfect behavior if we had one too.  Doubtful.  Child #3 had no comment.

So, EOTS-practicing parents, what are your thoughts?  What am I missing?  Help me understand why this little guy has become a December staple!  Better yet, send me your best EOTS pictures and I will post them here.

UPDATE:

PICTURES OF ELF ON THE SHELF IN ACTION! THANKS FOR SENDING THESE, DR. STEPHANIE READERS! 

Please send pictures to stephanie@drstephaniesmith.com or post on my Facebook wall

Elf at play

Elf at play

Injured Elf

Injured Elf

Healed Elf

Healed Elf

 

 

Helping Your Kids (And Yourself) in the Midst of a Tragedy

When will the madness end? That’s a question so many of us are asking ourselves today.  It is so hard to know how to cope with senseless violence of any kind, but especially when it involves so many kids in a place where they are supposed to feel safe.

As we struggle to cope with the tragedy in Connecticut today, I offer a couple of tips for families:

Talk about it.  Many of us find it useful to process and talk about tragedies – especially when they are as confusing and senseless as the one today.  This goes for grown-ups and kids alike.  Allow yourself and your family members (even the little ones) time to express feelings, fears, and worries over today’s events.  Talk about what you and your family do to keep each other safe, and take a moment to cherish each other – out loud.

Turn it off.  Just as it’s crucial to express our thoughts, it is just as important to put an end to the conversation at an appropriate point.  This can mean turning off news coverage, taking a break from Facebook, and providing our children (and ourselves) with other, safer things to do (watch a holiday movie, make cookies, play Wii, etc).  The details of the shooting in CT will be in the news for days and weeks to come.  You will not be missing anything by turning off the news reports, and in fact you will be doing a lot to maintain your mental health.

Need more ideas and resources about how to manage stress in the aftermath of a tragedy?

Helping Your Children Manage Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 800-985-5990

Managing Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting (APA)

Tips for Talking with Kids and Youth After a Disaster or Traumatic Event (SAMHSA): A Guide for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

 

 

 

Psychotherapy Is Not Dead

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Last weekend What Brand Is Your Therapist was published by the New York Times.  Lori Gottlieb, the author, interviewed me and a couple of other psychologists for the piece.

In her article Ms. Gottlieb writes about her journey as a new therapist setting up a practice in the congested California market.  As she struggles to find clients, she looks to other, more established clinicians for advice.  Some say find a specialty area, others tell her to focus on consultation and/or coaching work rather than traditional psychotherapy, still others (me) tell her to increase her social media presence.

With this advice in mind, Ms. Gottlieb wonders if Americans have moved past the need for psychotherapy, citing statistics indicating that fewer people have sought talk therapy in recent years.  She also wonders if our super-fast, I-want-results-now culture makes the slower paced psychotherapy process outdated.

After stewing about it for a few days, I have gathered my thoughts, and offer this response proving that psychotherapy is not dead, in fact, it is alive and well.  With this caveat: it is essential that we change (at least a little bit) with the times.  Here goes:

Having been married to an architect for nearly 15 years, I have come to know a bit about that profession.  While it may not seem that a psychologist and an architect would have much in common professionally, I have come to realize that we do – and more than it would seem.  In addition to the arduously long training process involved in both fields, many of the current dynamics and changing business models are similar.  Take a look:

Fads Come and Go.  Colonial, craftsman, beaux arts, mid-centurn modern – these are just a few of the hundreds of styles of architecture around us.  While I might like classical design, others might prefer more contemporary; the one thing we can be sure of is that styles, tastes, and fads will change.  This is a good thing in architecture – it makes our communities more interesting.  What is critical, however, is that the structure underneath is sound.  Any architect would agree that a comprehensive understanding of history, as well as a mastery of structural and construction principles is necessary before good design can emerge.

The same is true for us in the field of psychology.  There is nothing wrong with new ideas, and unique and innovative treatments – so long as there is first a fluency in psychological science.  New treatment strategies, rooted in sound science and disciplined training, can (and should!) be constantly flowing into our daily practice.  Would we accept stagnant, non-innovative care from any other field?

Gray and Green – The New Black?  Some architects have continued to design and draw only by hand, have resisted integrating technology into their firms, and have refrained from embracing environmentally sustainable design and materials clamored for by clients.  Guess what has happened to those architects in this tough economy and competitive world? They are no longer practicing – or at least not at the level to which they would like.  Successful firms have had to innovative, be responsive to the marketplace, and have had to find a way to stay productive and flexible in a time when their clients demand more, have shorter time frames, and more restricted budgets.

Psychologists are no different.  To stay relevant and helpful (that is our mission after all) we must also innovate and find new ways to give people what they want (psychological help) and need (psychological health).  A colleague of mine, June Ching, PhD, recently wrote: “I see a…theme with the ‘old ways’ juxtaposed to the newly emerged technological advances. If the mission is still the same, perhaps joining forces with the ‘grey’ and ‘green’ is a viable option.”

Merging The Old School (“gray”) with the New School (“green”) is the only way to continue to provide the type of help and care we all desire.

Everyone Deserves Mental Health.  Most of us can’t afford to live in a house designed by an architect.  Instead, most of us live in houses that were mass-produced by a CAD-wielding draftsman employed by a large construction company.  Yea, it’s kind of a bummer from a design perspective, but guess what?  The roof still keeps out the rain and the walls still keep us warm at night.  And the price is right.

Again, the similarities with psychotherapy are striking.  Therapy is kind of a weird thing.  Sitting in a room with a stranger spilling your guts week after week, while learning little to nothing about said stranger.  Bizarre.  Not to say we strangers don’t have a lot to offer – we do! But psychotherapy isn’t for everyone.  It’s a significant commitment in terms of time and money, and frankly not everyone is helped by talking about their problems.  Some folks prefer the self-help methods of reading books or watching Oprah to aid their mental health.  Others might find comfort at church or in a peer support group.  Still others may prefer to use pharmacological treatment.  Guess what?  That’s OK!

Psychotherapy has never been a treatment utilized by the masses, and my guess is that it never will be.  The great thing is that it gives us lots of opportunities to reach out to folks who will never sit on our couches.  Podcasts, books, blogs, talks, articles in the New York Times – these are all means by which we can get the word out about the importance of psychology and good mental health.  Realizing that the 50 minute psychotherapy hour isn’t our only means of providing solid, responsible, and useful mental health care should make us feel excited and energized to meet folks in need – wherever and whoever they are.   Because in the end, everyone deserves mental health, not just those who meet us on our own, narrow terms.

It is my opinion that psychotherapy is enjoying a particularly robust period in its history.  The stigma against treatment is down, the access to care is up (thanks to changes in the insurance industry, as well as technology) and psychology, mental health, and emotional wellness are a part of the language of everyday life.  Psychotherapy is far from dead – it is very much alive and growing.  It is up to us to determine how and when to best maximize this growth, for our clients and ourselves.

New York Times: What Brand Is Your Therapist?

This article came out in yesterday’s New York Times.  In it the author, Lori Gottlieb writes about some changes and innovations in the field of psychotherapy.  I was lucky enough to be interviewed for the article and have a quote in the middle of the article.  Check it out here.  I am still working on writing up my thoughts about the ideas presented in the article.  Hint: I’m not sure I agree with Ms. Gottlieb’s conclusions.  Stay tuned!

New York Times: 11/25/2012

Post-Election Stress Disorder

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a couple posts on Pre-Election Stress Disorder.  What started out as a sort of tongue-in-cheek post ended up as one of my most popular, and even led to a radio interview on WHYY FM in Philadelphia.  When I was contacted yesterday by a reporter for comments about POST-Election Stress, I figured I should write something about that, too!  Here goes:

There can be several reasons for feeling stressed, sad, or just plain overwhelmed after the election.  Some would argue that the protracted election brought out some of the worst of our country (nasty ads, downright lies, unproductive and sometimes ugly debates).  This alone can be reason to feel disappointment and anger at the process and the players involved.

Of course one can also feel stressed and angered about the outcome of the election.  And let’s not forget that the position of the President wasn’t the only one for which we were voting.  Representatives at all levels were chosen last night, as were local ballot measures affecting how our communities operate.  It can be easy to forget – with all of Obama and Romney’s hoopla – that folks might be struggling with the outcomes of these “smaller” ballot questions too.  (I for one have very strong feelings about the legalization of a certain fringy-leafed plant in my state – but the reasons for that are for another post).

So how can we cope with our disappointment, stress, anger, or fear?

Keep on Keeping on.  Most of us have some pretty good stress management strategies on board already.  Whether it’s walking, talking to a trusted friend, playing cribbage, doing yoga, reading, or praying – most of us can cite at least one thing that we are already doing that helps manage stress.  Trouble is, when stress hits, we sometimes abandon these good coping tools – just when we need them most!  Today is the perfect day to carve out a few minutes to practice the stress management skills you already have.

Take a Step Back.  The cool thing about this country is that it keeps on ticking no matter who is in charge.  You may be able to point to great presidents and not so great ones, but the fact is: times marches on.  Instead of focusing on today, try taking a longer view of both our history and our future.  Putting things in perspective can be a highly effective way to manage stress in the here and now.

Do Something.  As I mentioned in my post about Pre-Election Stress Disorder, there are lots of things we can do to affect political change in our country (and what an awesome thing that is!).  These include things like: volunteering for a political campaign, donating money to a candidate or cause, or running for office yourself.  Doing something productive and worthwhile (this does NOT include posting nasty messages on Facebook, etc) can again be a super antidote to feelings of stress, anger, and anxiety.

Turn it Off.  The election is over, we know the results, they are not going to change.  The media continues to talk about it, analyze it, and second guess it because they have to – they have lots of airtime to fill.  The good news is, you don’t have to watch it!  Re-hashing the nitty gritty of the election isn’t good for anyone – especially if you are unhappy with the outcome.  So turn off your TV, radio, and political websites and get out and do something fun!

*Disclaimer: I made up Post-Election Stress Disorder – it is not a real psychiatric diagnosis.  However, the stress, worry, and anxiety that folks feel around this time every 4 years is very real.  If worry and anxiety about this (or other) issues are negatively affecting you, please contact your health care provider.

 

 

5 Questions with Sally Koslow

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Last month I posted a review of the book Slouching Toward Adulthood by Sally Koslow.  I remarked that while the book – about Generation Y’s slow pace

through life – was interesting, I found it rather sad.  Ms. Koslow, a Baby Boomer herself did a lovely job researching and writing about the history of both the Boomers and the Gen Y’ers.  I, a Gen X’er, simply found the whole topic irritating and wondered how my generation fits in between these two massive, sometimes self-centered, hugely influential generations.

Ms. Koslow was nice enough to agree to answer a few questions to help me get to the bottom of my concerns – as well as to help me (and you!) get to know her better. I am so grateful that this author, teacher, editor, wife, and mother took a moment to speak to me…Welcome, Ms. Koslow!

Dr. S: Given that Gen Y seems to be having a lot of fun traveling, teaching English all over the world, and living as long as possible without taking on adult-like commitments like mortgages and 401K’s – do you think the rest of us would benefit from adopting their worldview? Are we missing the boat by being too serious?
S.K.: I see a lot Gen X-ers and Boomers having fun. No one can accuse us of being too deep. And while sometimes the random acts of wandering you describe among Gen Y-ers allow them to hit on the magic combination to a padlock that frees up lasting contentment, for some people,–let’s be honest–this behavior is simply procrastination married to moral superiority. While researching Slouching Toward Adulthood, I met many Gen Y-ers who seemed to assume that there would always be enough time to do everything they want and that every light in front of them would always turn green. I worry that if they spend too many years in the activities you mention, they may miss out on other opportunities that they will enjoy. How many Gen Y-ers won’t evolve into cynics who wish that someone had kicked them in the butt when they were younger so they’d have already found a career path with which they can be reasonably happy and have started to build a life that makes it possible to provide a comfortable home for themselves and possibly children?

Dr. S.: As a Gen X’er I am interested to hear your thoughts about how my generation fits in between the Boomers and the Gen Y’ers? Or are we too small to be relevant?
S.K.: Many Gen X’ers are now thought leaders, rising in every profession. Your impact grows by the day.  You’re had the good fortunate to have graduated from college and professional schools when there was less unemployment than there is now. Gen Y-ers have drawn the short straw.

Dr. S.: What are you reading now?
S.K.: I’m in the middle of The Odd Women by George Gissing, a British author popular in the late 1880’s. This novel is fascinating and surprisingly contemporary, though a bit one-note. It’s set in London and explores hardships faced by single women as well as inequalities in and outside marriage. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose—the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Dr. S.: Please tell me a bit about your new book coming out in June.
S.K.: The Widow Waltz, my fifth book, is a coming of age novel. One of the women is 50–it’s never too late to grow up—and will be published by Viking, It focuses on a recent widow as well as her daughters in their 20’s and the paths their lives take after the death of their husband/father. It’s a story of resilience built on the infrastructure of a mystery.

Dr. S.: One of the things I often write about is how to manage stress. We all know yoga is great, but I love to hear about some more creative solutions to stress management. For example, I have written that one of my go-to strategies is watching House Hunters. What do you do to manage your stress?
S.K.: Besides reading? I watch funny movies that I’ve seen so many times I can lip-synch. Topping my current rotation are Bridesmaids and As Good as It Gets. A few years ago I would have named Clueless and My Cousin Vinnie. After dipping into any of these films for a random ten minutes I feel mellow.

Thanks Ms. Koslow! To learn more about Ms. Koslow and her other books check out her website – www.SallyKoslow.com.  Click here to buy Slouching Toward Adulthood.  After reading it, let me know your thoughts!