Category: family life

Raising Passionate, Engaged Teens

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It can be easy to feel as if the world is going to Hell – and quickly.  There’s so much bad news out there, and so many stories about disinterested, MineCraft-and-SnapChat-infused youth, it can be easy to lose faith in the younger generations and ourselves (the old people).

So you can understand my interest and excitement at the story developing this week in Colorado.  Basically the School Board made a decision to change the Advanced Placement History courses.  Here’s a brief description of the problem by the Denver Post:

Community members are angry about an evaluation-based system for awarding raises to educators and a proposed curriculum committee that would call for promoting “positive aspects” of the United States and its heritage and avoiding material that would encourage or condone “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.”

For those of us hoping to raise passionate, engaged youth – this can be a great teaching tool in our own families.  Here are some tips:

  • Read the article about the current strife in Jefferson County together, and ask your kids about their thoughts
  • Ask them if there is anything going on at their school that they would change if they could
  • Share some of the things you might change about your school or work
  • Discuss their ideas about how they might go about changing the world around them – using the Jefferson County teens as an example.  Do you agree with their tactics? Why or why not? Is there something else they could try to get their point across?

Back to School Stress Busters

Back to school clothes.  Back to school supplies.  Back to school parties.  They’re everywhere!  This time of year, you can’t escape the fact that it’s back to school time.  For some of us it’s a time of rejoicing.  For others of us (me) it’s a time of sadness (I always hate to see summer go).  For many it’s a time of stress and worry.

Back to school stress can arise for many reasons:

  • The start of a new school
  • Struggles with friends
  • Trouble with academics
  • Difficulty with classroom behavior
  • Hatred of homework
  • Fears of a new teacher

The good news is, many back to school worries can be managed in the days and weeks before the first day.  Here are some tips:

Practice the first day.  Many of us worry about the unknown. So why not take the guess work out of the first day? Pick out an outfit, get the back pack ready, make a trial lunch and drive to school – just to see what it will be like on the big day.  Many schools even allow nervous students a sneak peak into their classrooms before the official first day of school.  I often recommend this to families, as getting a glimpse of the school, classroom and teacher can do a world of good to the stressed-out student.

Talk about it.  This is one almost seems too easy to actually work – but it does!  Many of us hold in our fears and worries, allowing them to fester and grow.  Instead, allow your student a chance to talk through their thoughts about going back to school.  You might be surprised about what they are worried and excited about!

Keep expectations in check.  While having high and clear expectations can be a wonderful thing, going over them and over them right before school begins might be a breeding ground for stress.  Instead, enjoy the last few days of summer before hammering out expectations for homework, grades and extracurriculars.

For more tips on conquering back to school stress, check out these articles:

Back to School Lunches

Back to School Blues

Back to School Worries

 

 

 

Back To School Lunches

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My friends over at Produce for Kids have a really cool thing going as we head back to school.  Here’s the scoop:

The new Power Your Lunchbox Pledge by Produce for Kids®, launching August 11 and running through September 15, encourages parents to pack healthier lunchboxes for their kids this back-to-school season. Visitors to poweryourlunchbox.com can pledge to pack healthier lunchboxes; get RD-approved, kid-friendly lunchbox ideas and tips; and download coupons from companies supporting the program.
 
For every pledge that families or individuals take, participating produce companies will make a 25 cent donation to DonorsChoose.org to fund health and wellness classroom projects around the country. Additionally, Define Bottle will be providing DonorsChoose.org with 20 percent of each sale during the pledge time frame.

Check out some of these yummy-looking lunch ideas:

Need more lunch ideas? Check out Produce for Kids. Want to take the pledge for healthier lunches? Click here.

Happy eating!

Social Media 101: Parent Edition

I think parenting has always been a tough job, but these days the blistering-fast changes in technology have made it more (at least intellectually) challenging than ever before.

I often talk about the dilemma like this: When I was growing up there was no such thing as cell phones, the internet or Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat so I can’t call my mom and ask her questions like…

At what age did you let me get a Twitter account?

Did you “friend” my boyfriends on Facebook?

How much time is too much time on YouTube for a 10 year old?

…to help me make good parenting decisions for my own family.

And it’s a huge bummer that I can’t ask her because that’s how so much of parenting is done: remembering how we were parented and/or asking our own parents for advice.  But that doesn’t work anymore because technology changes so rapidly that the parenting rules of just a few years ago now seem antiquated.  Remember when we used to say…

Keep the family computer in a public place like the kitchen so you can monitor your kids’ usage.

…Ugh. That’s so 2004. And totally irrelevant.

It can be hard to keep up with the changes and the apps/sites/outlets that kids are frequenting.  I just saw this sort of funny, sort of serious description of the tops sites and how kids use them.  Take a look:

Helping Kids Develop a Positive Body Image

Produce for Kids

I recently wrote an article for Produce for Kids about how to help kids feel good about their bodies.  This topic seems particularly important as we are in the middle of swimsuit season, with back-to-school only a few weeks away in many parts of the country.  These times of the year are ripe for comparing our looks and physical abilities to others.

It’s hard to believe, but kids as young as 4 and 5 can struggle with body image.  And it’s not something that affects only girls! We are discovering that boys often struggle with body image too, and that they are just as vulnerable to negative messages (from the media, peers and caregivers) as girls.

The great thing is that parents, caregivers and teachers can have a huge positive impact on how kids feel about their bodies.  Here’s one of the tips I offer in the article:

Respect our own bodies. Kids notice everything we do – and don’t do. Take care to treat your own body with respect by eating healthy foods, getting plenty of exercise and adequate sleep. By demonstrating respect for our own bodies, our kids will be more likely to do the same.

For more tips for helping kids learn to love their bodies for what they can do – and not tear them don’t for what they can’t – check out the full article over at Produce for Kids.

Talking to Troubled Kids

Talking to kids and teenagers when you suspect something is wrong at home, something’s different in their mood or when you think they might be in some kind of trouble with friends can be scary.  It’s hard to know what (and what not) to say.  Many of us are afraid to get involved for fear of making the situation worse, or putting ourselves in a vulnerable position as adults.

I (and a few other psychologists) recently helped the American Psychological Association assemble a tip sheet for talking with kids when you suspect they need help.  These tips are useful for teachers, neighbors, family members, friends – just about anyone who has contact with kids or teens.  Here’s my favorite tip from the list:

Be genuine. 

Try to avoid speaking from a script. Teens can tell when you’re not being genuine. If you are open, authentic and relaxed, it will help them to be the same.

To see more tips, check them out here at APA’s Help Center.

Mad at Your Spouse? Eat An Apple

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Did you see this new study recently published by PNAS?  The authors found that when couples had lower blood sugar, they were more apt to be aggressive.  The “takeaway” of the study, according to CNN’s The Chart, was that couples should have tough conversations either during or after dinner when their blood sugar levels are higher, and avoid conflict when they are hungry.

I couldn’t agree more.  While I am no couples expert (in fact, I rarely work with couples in therapy – it’s just too complicated!) I have always believed that hunger and fatigue are two of the major contributors to fights within romantic relationships.

You know that saying: “Never go to bed angry!” I couldn’t disagree more.  We SHOULD go to bed angry, because chances are we will wake up feeling more rested and less angry than we were the night before – decreasing the chances of a nasty fight.  And it sounds like we should also add “have a snack” to our list of strategies for getting along with our partners.  Sounds easy enough to me!

When’s dinner?

National Day of Un-Plugging

Have you heard that the National Day of Un-Plugging starts tonight at sundown and lasts through tomorrow evening? Reboot who, according to their site, has a number of active programs that provide DIY tools for individuals and communities to explore Jewish identity, started the event several years ago – and I LOVE IT!

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While I am a big fan of social media (hello, I’m contributing to it right now) I also yearn for the days when our lives were less complicated, less harried and not Facebook-infused.  I have chronicled screen-free periods in my life before, so I’m not going to do that today.  But what I will do is leave you with a list of things you can do while you are abstaining from technology over the next day or so:

  • bake a cake
  • take a walk
  • read a book
  • draw a picture
  • play a board game
  • do a puzzle
  • talk to a neighbor
  • re-organize your kitchen
  • plan your summer garden
  • read a magazine
  • make a cup of tea
  • re-arrange your living room
  • talk to your kids
  • hold hands with your partner
  • do nothing at all

Most of all – enjoy engaging with those around you!

 

Helping Your Teen Manage Stress

Stress? Who me?

Stress? Who me?

The American Psychological Association’s annual Stress in America survey was released yesterday.  The results indicate that Americans are pretty stressed overall.  We worry about work and money in particular, and struggle to manage it with healthy strategies.  Instead we reach for cookies, cigarettes, video games and participate in other sedentary activities – even though many of us know more active, healthy strategies are better for us and often more effective.

That’s pretty bad news.

But it gets worse.

The survey also found that American teenagers are experiencing stress at levels they feel is unhealthy.  In fact, their stress levels rival those of adults.  Yesterday I wrote a post about why we need to worry about it.

Today I’m focusing on what we can do to help teens manage their stress more effectively. Here it is:

Let them watch us manage stress in healthy, effective ways ourselves.

  • That means, instead of guzzling beer and M and M’s in front of the TV after a tough day, perhaps we should take a walk or dance around the kitchen
  • That means, instead of logging into Facebook and ranting about our boss, perhaps we should play a game with our teen or get a manicure
  • That means, instead of zoning out and playing Minecraft, perhaps we should read a book or phone a friend

Kids learn from watching us. It’s a big responsibility for parents to be constant role models.  But it’s also a big relief because it means we can have a positive, lasting impact on our kids’ health.

For more information about talking to teens about stress check out the American Psychological Association’s tips here.

For more information about whether your child could benefit from seeing a psychologist, check out my article here.

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