Category: Parenting

Profanity in the Media Can Lead to Profanity in Real Life

Did you the recent study finding that teens’ exposure to profanity on television can lead to increased profanity use in their own lives?  The study also found the same correlation with aggression, both physical (hitting, kicking) and relational (gossiping).  The study was published in the journal Pediatrics.

The Chart, one of my favorite medical blogs also wrote a piece about the article, in which they interviewed one of the authors, Dr. Sarah Coyne.  She concluded that in light of this study, parents need to be “a little bit more aware” of what their kids are watching.

To this I just have to say: “duh.”  Sorry for the not-so-scientific and not-particularly-professional word, but come on!  Of course parents need to be super vigilant about what kinds of media their kids are consuming.  And while I am appreciative of the study and its findings, did any of us really doubt that what children (and adults for that matter) watch affects their behavior?

I have written before about the difficulty I have had in finding appropriate things for my children to watch.  There seem to be fewer and fewer programs that are free of the things I don’t want (profanity, violence, sarcasm, entitlement, rudeness, disrespect) and full of the things I do want (humor, positive relationships, strong characters) and are at the same time entertaining.

Since my last post on the topic I have heard from several folks with suggestions on fun, entertaining programming that can be shared with the entire family.  Some ideas (thanks readers!):

American Idol

Family Ties

Family Matters

Growing Pains

“Vintage” cartoons (Scooby-Doo, Jetsons, Flintstones, Smurfs, Looney Tunes)

Supernanny

Sporting events (football, baseball, etc)

Wild Kingdom (or other shows about animals and nature)

Want some more ideas? Head over to Common Sense Media for tips and ratings on all sorts of media outlets and how to incorporate them into your family’s life in healthy ways.

Communicating with Your Child’s Teachers

Today’s post is written by Bonnie Leaf, MA.  Ms. Leaf is a special education teacher and owner of Access to Achieve an education services consulting firm outside of Denver, CO.  Ms. Leaf’s post is part of this week’s series on student information systems.

As a parent and educator, I have a unique perspective on Infinite Campus and how it can be used to its fullest potential.  Here’s the tough part: Infinite Campus (IC) does not come with a user’s manual.  It is up to parents to learn how to use it as a tool to keep as up-to-date as possible with how their child is doing in school.  Here are some basics and strategies I have learned over the years:

Have a user name and password.  By October, most schools have helped parents set up their username and password, and have showed them how to access IC.  If you haven’t done this, contact your child’s school and set up your account.  By the way, your child should have their own username and password to access the system, too.

Image by Thisischris.com

Check IC weekly.  Teachers typically ask that parents set a routine for checking grades about once weekly with their child.  Since your child knows the most up-to-date information, it is best to review grades with him or her so that you get the correct information.  There is usually a story to be told within a weekly grade report and your child can tell that story.  If you want to know how your child is doing aside from a grade, ask questions and don’t jump to conclusions.  Some classes do not lend themselves to entering new grades weekly or bimonthly.  Art, for example, could be based more on long term projects.

Understand how a grade book is divided into different sections and how each section is assigned a weighted percentage of the total grade.   Teachers assign a title and weighted percentage to each section of their grade book.  Summative assessments like projects and tests are usually assigned more weight than classwork and homework.  If your child’s teacher lists homework as part of a grade, know if the grade is for completion only or if it is graded for correctness.  The category and weight of a section tells a story as well.  The value of an assignment, test, quiz, or project lets you know where the emphasis lies.

Know how to read and interpret IC.  Teachers often enter the name of an assignment on the grade book yet leave the grade space blank if that assignment has not been completed or graded.  If an assignment is missing, some teachers will write “M,” “Missing,” “O,” or leave a blank space where the grade should be.  Ask your child and/or teacher for clarification.

Look for patterns.  Assignments, such as current events; or quizzes, such as spelling, can tell a story.  Look beyond the grade to see how your child is preparing for the weekly assignments and quizzes.  Over time, your child should be developing a system  that becomes more efficient as the year progresses.  If your child continues to get the same grade weekly (or they get worse), examine the system with your child and help them tweak it for better results.

Avoiding Schoolwork Battles

Today’s post is written by Dr. Bridget Engel, clinical psychologist in Erie, CO.  Dr. Engel specializes in working with children, families, and couples.  She is also the author of Counselor’s Corner, a mental health blog.  Dr. Engel’s post is part of this week’s series on student information systems.  

Here we are.  We are already a month plus into school.  The new-ness of the school year is starting to wear off and most everyone is settled into the familiarity of fall.  And I have already spoken with parents who’ve had to wage war with their son or daughter about missing assignments and poor grades.  That’s an age old conflict that goes back many generations.  What’s new is that many of these parents now have access to Infinite Campus technology, hosted through their school district, to stay up-to-date and informed about their child’s academic progress.

Image by Thisischris.com

While Infinite Campus and other tech-based information tools are wonderful in allowing parents to stay engaged in their child’s education, many parents I’ve talked to describe emotional arguments with their kids sprinkled with excuses, debates about it’s accuracy, and circular clashes about how recently it’s been updated by various teachers.  So are you ready to reduce the family feud about homework and missing assignments?  Here are some things to think about:

● Infinite Campus is technology, and only that.  It doesn’t replace a relationship built with your child’s teacher.  Your child’s teacher is the one that spends seven hours a day with your son or daughter.

● Your kid may be right.  Academic databases are often incorrect.  Don’t forget that there is an overwhelmed person behind Infinite Campus who is busy teaching your child.  Sometimes they don’t get all the grades entered.  Be careful about wearing your combat gear at the front door waiting for your child to come home, armed only with what you’ve seen on the computer.

● Be careful about becoming dependent on computer-based technology as your academic babysitter.  Whether your child has missing assignments or not, technology does not replace real life skills.  If your child is struggling to get homework completed or turned in, focus instead on teaching your child how to become more organized, self-sufficient, and independent.

● Watch for warning signs that you are power struggling with your kids about school assignments and grades, especially if it is happening frequently.  Do not get lulled into thinking that lecturing your child or monitoring every move from Infinite Campus is helping them.  Lecturing helps parents feel better;  It very rarely creates behavior change in kids.  Challenge yourself to step back and examine your approach, your goals and your values.

● Think about the whole, rather than the parts.  It’s easy to get focused on the small details and converge on every single assignment.  Would you want your boss to examine and challenge you on every single paper that crossed your desk at work?  Few people grow when micro-managed.  Highlight the end product instead.  Your child is an individual and may do things differently than you.  As long as they are learning something throughout the year and earning acceptable grades, perhaps it’s ok to remark about those missing assignments but refrain from waging war at the dinner table because the Huckleberry Finn poem didn’t get turned in.

Managing Your Student’s Information

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Image by ThisisChris.com

Welcome to Student Information Systems Week! This week we are going to be hearing from experts on how to manage your student’s grades through the online programs many schools are now using.  In my neck of the woods, everyone seems to be using Infinite Campus.  Boy do I hear a lot about it in my neighborhood, on the street, and in my office.  Some folks love this technological tool that allows parents and students to view teachers’ grade books in real time.  Others feel that the technology is just another way for “helicopter parents” to keep tabs on their kids.  I’m not sure where I stand at this point in the week, but I do know that I see a lot of conflict between parents and kids around Infinite Campus use.

Do you have an opinion about this technology?  Are there ways to use it well?  Poorly?  I would love to hear your point of view!

Losing Faith in the World? Head to Homecoming

I am a sucker for all things sappy and sentimental.  The annual Homecoming Parade in my little town is just that.  It is the most quintessentially small town, Norman Rockwell-esque event I attend all year – and I just love it.

This year’s parade came at a great time.  It’s been easy to lose a little faith in the world: the world’s economy is a mess, American politics are getting uglier by the day, and our technology driven-celebrity obsessed-super rushed culture can make me want to scream.  But just when I am about to lose faith along come the cheerleaders, football players, and band members of the local high school marching down the street in front of my office.

The teenagers restore my faith in our culture and young people.  I love knowing that parades are still fun to them, crepe-paper floats are still worth building, and the homecoming dance is still something to be looked forward to.  In fact, for all our technological advances, much of high school is still what it has always been: a popularity contest, a time to get excited about first dates and crushes, and a time to show unabashed school spirit – among many other things.

So, if you’re feeling a little jaded this weekend, head to your local high school.  You will be reassured to know that high school is just how you left it.

What could be better than this?

High School Pressure and Glee

Photo by Glee on Fox

Wow.  A lot of potential blog topics were presented on last night’s Glee episode, Asian F.  The one that stuck with me was how they portrayed the pressure the seniors in the New Directions are under.  Pressure to make their mark at school, pressure to find out who they really are, pressure to get accepted into the best college, pressure to pick a career path.  Watching Rachel, Kurt, Finn, and Brittany struggle with these issues brought up memories of my own senior stressors.  Ugh…it wasn’t pretty.

So how can you assist the high schoolers in your life keep things in perspective?

Focus on relationships.  In last night’s episode, Kurt reminded us that it’s not all about accomplishments, but that friendships and treating folks right is important too.  Making and keeping friends, building relationships with mentors, and learning how to successfully interact with others is a crucial part of high school – even though you won’t earn a grade.

There are multiple ways to get there.  Have a child who yearns to be a singer?  Let her know that there are lots of ways to make that happen.  Enrolling in a music conservatory, majoring in music at the local college, or simply singing in the church choir are all ways to incorporate music into her life.  The idea that she HAS to get into one school or program in order to achieve her dreams is a good way to reach stress overload.

Life is long.  Luckily, most of us live fairly long lives.  This means that we have plenty of time to make mistakes, try lots of things, and change our minds a time or two.  Very few 17 year olds know what they want to do with their lives, and that’s OK!  Try to maintain a sense of adventure and openness with your children rather than forcing them to make decisions before it’s developmentally or emotionally appropriate.

Don’t get too attached.  It’s easy as a parent to become attached to ideas our children bring up.  Your son mentions he would like to be a doctor and you assume that will be his reality.  But remember, his job is to change his mind and try out new ideas.  Go with the flow and don’t cling to any idea too hard.  It will drive you both crazy.

Do you know a high school senior frantically trying to bulk up their credentials to get into college?  Know any who are struggling to figure out who they are and what’s important to them?  How do you help them cope?

 

Teen Depression and Glee

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Photo by: Glee on Fox

Yippee! Yahoo! Hooray! Glee is back for Season 3! And now that I have done my “research” for this post by watching the episode several times, I am ready to write something about the season premiere.

While I enjoyed the song selection, the number featuring Blaine, and the look of the purple pianos in last week’s episode, what really got me was the transformation of Quinn’s character.  It’s not just that I have a fondness for pink hair (I really do!), but I was both relieved and energized to see the writers doing something different with her character.  In case you don’t remember, Quinn has been through a lot in 2 years: she got pregnant, was kicked out of her house, gave her baby up for adoption, and had her heart broken by longtime boyfriend, Finn.  It was also revealed that she had a childhood history of weight problems and had plastic surgery as a youngster.  Finally, in this episode Quinn is appearing to deal with these events as many of us would: with psychological and emotional turmoil.

We have yet to learn if Quinn is actually depressed (dying one’s hair isn’t necessarily a sign of depression), but here are some things we can look out for as the season progresses to help us know for sure.  These are also good warning signs for the real teens in your life:

Change in interests.  Kids that used to love glee club, soccer, or chess may no longer be interested/find pleasure in these things.  It’s normal for kids’ interests to change over time, it’s concerning when the change is drastic and sudden.

Isolation.  Is your child spending more and more time alone in their room?  Is he turning down invitations from friends, or have the invitations stopped altogether? It’s time to step in.

Poor confidence.  Unfortunately, adolescence does a number on most kids’ confidence levels.  However, if your child seems to be suffering from particularly low self esteem, such that it makes it tough for them to do things (socialize, complete school work, try new things), it might be a warning sign.

Substance use. Many of us equate experimentation with alcohol and tobacco with the teen years.  However, if your child is using substances regularly (like once a week), it could be a sign that they are struggling with their mood and looking for ways to cope.

Changes in eating or sleeping.  Eating and sleeping too much or too little can be a warning sign that something has changed in your child’s psychological health.  Sleeping late one morning isn’t a big deal, not being able to get out of bed for 2 or 3 days is.

Irritability.  None of us are pleasant all the time, and it is a teen’s job to question adults’ decisions and figure out boundaries.  However, if your teen has recently become unusually irritable or angry, lashes out verbally or physically, or is unable to enjoy people and activities she used to because of the irritability, this could be a warning sign of depression.

Thoughts of harm.  If your teen even hints at a thought of wanting to harm themselves, or if you find any blogs/posts/tweets/updates suggesting a desire to die, stop living, or “end things” it is time to take action immediately.  It is better to be safe in these situations, so if you suspect your child is having suicidal thoughts of any kind, take them to the emergency room right away.

 

Family Rules

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I am a big fan of creating family rules.  What I’m talking about is this: What is important to your family?  What makes you different from the other families on your street?  What values, customs, traditions are essential for you to pass on to your kids?  I often encourage families with whom I work to outline a few (like 3-5) rules for their family that can serve as guidelines when it comes to big decisions like how to spend money or discipline children.

As I believe so strongly in defining rules for our families, I was thrilled to see some rules posted at a friend’s house recently:I was inspired at the thought that went into the guidelines and how they reflected what I know to be important to her family (and also how creative she was at displaying them!).

One of the neatest thing about developing your own family rules is that the process can be a family affair.  Get the kids involved and take your time choosing just the right words to reflect your family’s values.  Most importantly: have fun (hmmm…maybe that’s a family value of mine?)!

Some other ideas of family rules to get your started:

  • Exercise your body, drink plenty of water, and eat fruits and vegetables everyday
  • Treat all people with respect – even if you don’t understand or agree with what they are doing
  • Incorporate your faith into everything you do
  • Use kind words and actions at all times

Building Confidence in Kids

I’m excited to announce that I am now a Parents on Produce advisor at Produce for Kids!  Produce for Kids is a great organization ” dedicated to educating families on the benefits of healthy eating and supporting worthy causes for children.”  Among other things, Produce for Kids publishes yummy kid-friendly recipes like this “Ideal Meal” that you can find at your local grocery store or on their website:

Photo by Produce for Kids

As part of my job as a Parents on Produce advisor, I will be writing tips, articles and blogs for both Produce for Kids and PBS Parents (an awesome resource for parents of young kids!).  Check out my latest article on Building Confidence in Kids over at PBS Parents.  If you like what you see, sign up to receive more tips through PBS’s Eat Smart for a Great Start Challenge.

Photo by PBS Parents