Category: Parenting

CREATE Mental Health Week – Photography

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This is a guest post in the series CREATE Mental Health. All week we will be exploring how different people use creativity to create and maintain mental health. Today’s post is by Jenni Lillie. Jenni is the owner of Awaken Photography, which specializes in wedding and family photography.  Welcome, Jenni!


Cut the “CHEESE!”

Photographing kids can be very fun, unpredictable and stressful. When I photograph a family, I can tell right away how their family takes pictures. A lot of times as soon as I point the camera at them they will look at me with a cheesy, fake grin. Sometimes the kids will even yell “cheese,” a prompting born out of repetitive habits and norms.

But there’s a different option out there. If you are tired of the “cheese” smile my suggestion is to “cut the cheese.” Just don’t say it anymore. If you want more natural-looking photos of your kids, do the opposite–don’t demand they look at the camera at all. Follow them around, observe, and snap away. Photograph the details of their day or their lives. Do they have a special blanket, toy or sport? Let them play and get photos of them being themselves. Those will be the memories and moments you cherish.

Finally, it will be more enjoyable and fun for everyone involved to not force the photo to happen a certain way. Removing our expectations frees us to just capture them naturally. There’s always a place for posed photos, so I wouldn’t discard them completely. And when that time comes, get your kids laughing and snap the genuine smiles they have and not the toothy “cheese” grin you may be used to.


CREATE Mental Health Week – Button Clips for Big Girls

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This is a guest post in the series CREATE Mental Health. All week we will be exploring how different people use creativity to create and maintain mental health. Today’s post is by Laurel MacDougal. Laurel writes the popular crafting/homemaking/organizing/all around cool blog Ducks in a Row. Welcome, Laurel!

I have a daughter that is too old for bows and ribbons.  Yes, the day has come.  I think these button clips are a great older option for girls hair.  They are really easy to make – follow along.
You need:

Button cover kit – I used 3/4″.  The first time you buy this you need the kit.  Any other times, you can just buy the refill.
fabric scraps
craft wire
clip

OK – with your pliers, grab the shank and remove it.  (ooh, blurry picture, quick let’s move on!)

Next, cut a couple of inches of your craft wire.
and bend it in half.
Slide this wire through the bottom of the clip, and through the bottom of the button (be careful when you remove the metal shank that you notice what side it was on.  You want that side facing the clip).
Twist the wire, trim it, and smash it down so it as flat as you can get it.
Grab your fabric scrap and the button cover kit.  I only use the white plastic part.
Lay your fabric, right side down in the white thing (I’m sure it has a name, but I will call it the white thing) and put the top of the button over it.  I make sure I line it up so I get part of the fabric that I like.  I’ve done this before and ended up covering the button in the empty spaces instead of the pattern – whoops.
Trim the fabric.  If you have too much fabric, it’s hard to push the back on.  If you have too little, the edges pop out.  There is a pattern on the back of the button package.
Put the clip/bottom of the button on, fold the fabric in, and push.  There are pretty clear instructions on the back of the button package.  I can usually push hard enough with my fingers.  You can kind of feel it snap in place.  If it doesn’t, the button will just fall apart – so push until everything is nice and neat.
Remove your clip from the white thing and admire.
Cute cute cute.  We’ve done a variation on an elastic instead of a clip, and they are darling.  I’m just a tad bit clumsy using those elastics.  Just saying.
Make a slew of these – they’re fast AND cute, it’s a winning combination!  Plus, it doing projects like this energize me.  It doesn’t take much time, but it gets me going!
I had a blast preparing for this and thinking of all of you reading this!  Come pay me a visit over at Ducks in a Row.  I share my organizing tips, sewing projects, our never ending home projects, some recipes – you know, a little of this and a little of that!

No Screen Week Activity – Royal Wedding Planning

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This is what a canape looks like. Yum

Are you a royal watcher? I am – and I am super excited about Prince William & Kate’s upcoming wedding next Friday.  I have vague memories of dressing up as a bagpipe for Princess Diana’s wedding 30 years ago (why did they put me in that costume?).  For next week’s event I will be wearing something a little more flattering, but I’m sure the party will be just as fun and the wedding just as sensational.

An idea for this no screen week: plan a royal wedding party.  I heard on the Today Show they will be serving canapes at the reception.  Check out some recipes here.  They also like to wear hats to weddings in England.  Try making your own!  See ideas here.  The cool thing is that your pretty hat can be used again for the Kentucky Derby the following weekend!

Hats and canapes not enough? Really want to get into the wedding spirit?  Buy your very own wedding dress.  I bought one at a second hand shop a couple of months ago, and cannot tell you how much fun it has been.  The $15 I spent on it was well worth the hours of giggles and fun it has provided.

$15 wedding dress = hours of fun

Even if you are not into the royal wedding, you can use your new-found screen free time to plan an extra fun birthday party, Memorial Day BBQ, or Father’s Day bash.  Party and activity planning are great activities for parents and kids to do together.  You can even involve neighbors and classmates.  The point is to do something different, active, and together!

Have a great celebration!

photo by: Skeezix’s Scratching Post

 

 

National Screen Free Week!

Today marks the start of one of my favorite weeks of the year – Screen Free Week.  This is a week when families are encouraged to get off the couch, turn off the TV, computer, and video games and do something different.  Engage with each other, get active outside, try something new!  Last year I pledged to remain screen free for the week and I (almost) made it.  Read about my experiences here.

This year I am going to try it again – will you make the pledge with me?

Some thoughts via National Wildlife Federation’s Be Out There program:

“The tolls of an indoor childhood include:

  1. Declining creativity, concentration, and social skills
  2. Doubling of the childhood obesity rate with an incremental $100 billion annual cost to our public health system
  3. Alarming increase in prescribed antidepressants for American children over the past 10 years

Outdoor play offers physical, emotional and health benefits:

  1. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 60 minutes of daily unstructured free play to improve children’s physical and mental health
  2. National Association for the Education of Young Children cites that play is an active form of learning that unites the mind, body, and spirit
  3. Children who play outside are more physically active, more creative, less aggressive, and show better concentration”

Want more information about the Be Out There program, or want to sign a pledge? Check them out here:And check back here throughout the week for ideas of new, fun things to do with your family while you spend the week screen free!

Photo by: Sha3teely

 

Who Are You?

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I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and she asked me: “Who are you?”  I was about to answer when she added a rule:

“When you answer,” she said “you can’t mention any of the roles you have.  For example, you can’t say mom, psychologist, friend, daughter.  It has to be who you are not what you do and/or who you do it for.”

Yikes.  That’s a tough one.  I have to admit, it has been a long time since I have thought of myself separate from the roles I play.  I used to think about it all the time.  Some examples:

  • When I was 8 I was someone who loved swimming and Kirk Cameron
  • When I was 15 I was someone who loved hippie clothes, crystal necklaces, and doing things on my own (read: not with my parents)
  • When I was 20 I was was someone who had a love of fitness activities and traveling
  • When I was 25 I was someone who had a passion for working with people, was committed to my studies, and was a huge University of Denver ice hockey fan

So who are we now? Now that we are not the pie-in-the-sky, anything-is-possible children we once were?  Think about it.  What makes you happy?  What makes your heart race with excitement?  What do you look forward to?  Being able to answer these questions will help you answer the question: “Who are you?” Good luck!

…and with some thought, I’m thinking I am now someone who loves watching videos new:

and old:

Psychology and Space: Is Your House Affecting Your Mental Health?

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I love houses. I love talking about them, thinking about them, working on them, decorating them…they provide endless amounts of entertainment and challenge.  Usually I indulge my loves of houses in my free time.  But recently I have found myself doing more talking and thinking about houses and space in my work hours as well.  Specifically, can our homes affect our mental health?  Yes.  There are many, many ways your home can affect your mental health.  Think of these situations:

People who are home-less

People who live in un-safe areas

People who live in un-clean, cluttered, and/or un-sanitary homes (think: Hoarders)

People who live in homes they cannot afford

Today I am going to talk about another group of people whose mental health is being affected by their homes: People whose homes are too darn big.  How can this be a problem?  Aren’t all of us pining to get into a house with more square footage, more rooms, more SPACE!?!?  Maybe, but I am beginning to see that too much space can be a problem as well.

Think of a how a “typical” suburban family might spend their evening: Dad in the basement watching basketball, teenager in his/her room playing video games, tween in the living room watching the Disney Channel, and mom in her bedroom reading stories on-line about Robert Pattinson.  Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

I’m afraid our homes have gotten so big (and so wired) that we often miss out on time that could be spent as a family.  Remember the old days when there was only one TV in the house and we had to take turns choosing what we wanted to watch?  Remember when we actually watched shows as a family (think: Cosby Show) and then talked about the funny parts all week?  While having our own spaces is neat and cool, I wonder if it is the best thing for our mental health, and for the health of our families?  Will we one day wake up and realize we barely know the other people living under our roof?  I hope not.

So before you buy a bigger home, or spread out to all corners of your existing house, think about what you are doing.  Share a TV, a couch, a bowl of popcorn.  Play Monopoly, or spend time just talking.  Enjoy your large spaces, but remember to spend time in close quarters with the ones you love, too.

photo by: Simplyeleganthomedesigns.com

 

Are You a Loser on Purpose? Playing Games with Kids

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I don’t like playing board games.  Call me a party-pooper, but it is one of my least favorite things to do with kids.  While I love throwing a ball, riding bikes, or going swimming – board games just aren’t my thing.  So when my arm is twisted into playing Candyland or Old Maid, I have a few rules.  I have these rules not only to make the game tolerable for me, but also to help the kids learn to be good playmates.  My rules are as follows:

Cheating is never tolerated. I don’t care how young the kid, I never tolerate cheating. In fact, I state the rule several times before the game even begins.

“You know, Sally, I don’t play games with people who cheat. You’re going to follow all the rules, right?”

“Sally, I’m excited to play Candyland with you. We’re both going to follow the rules, right?”

“Sally, I just want to make it clear that I don’t play with cheaters, so if you cheat, I will have to stop the game.”

It may sound like overkill, but getting excited to play Candyland is tough enough without the prospect of being cheated.  I’ve heard some folks say, “but she’s only 3, how can you expect her to follow the rules?”  To that I say: If you allow them to cheat now, when and how will you teach them not to?  Is cheating at 3 any better than cheating at 13 or 30? No.  If they’re too young to understand the rules, pick another game.

Losing on purpose. This is a tough one.  Should you as a parent (or teacher, babysitter, or therapist) “throw” a game of Chutes and Ladders?  Basketball?  Golf?  Losing on purpose is a slippery slope (or Chute as the case may be).  Here’s my rule:  If the game is one of chance (Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Old Maid, etc) then I wouldn’t recommend throwing the game.  Chances are that you will lose 50% of the time anyway (especially if you ensure all the rules are followed by both parties).  If the game is one of skill (Tic Tac Toe, basketball, tennis, chess) losing on purpose is worth considering.  For example, you might let a 4 or 5 year old win a tennis game from time to time as a way to encourage them to keep playing, and also to give them a taste of what it is like to win.  You might not want to let your 15 year old win though, as you will likely be evenly matched by then AND they will be able to tell if you aren’t trying your hardest.  Either way, be careful of making a habit of letting your kids win – it’s a tough one to break, and it’s nothing like real life.

Good sportsmanship is a must. I’m big on good sportsmanship.  Shaking hands after a game, a “Great Game!” shouted across the court, a high -five to an opponent.  Public displays of good sportsmanship are often enough to make me tear up.  Playing games with our kids is a great way to teach sportsmanship in action.  Just as I go over the no-cheating rule before the game commences, I also talk about the fact that he may win, but that I may win too.  I might say things like:

“You know, you might win this game, and I might win.  How do you think you will feel if you win?  If I win?”

“Do you think it’s OK to get angry if I win? Should I get angry if you win?”

“Let’s both agree to be good sports no matter who wins, OK?”

Is he doesn’t know what good sportsmanship, tell him.  When he demonstrates it, I praise him for it “Jeremy, I thought it was so cool how you handled losing the game – nice job.”  And I’m sure to catch them being good sports when they are with their peers too.  “Jeremy, I know you were disappointed that your team didn’t win the game, but I loved how you were the first one out there shaking hands.”  And don’t forget, kids notice what kind of sports we are too.  We can teach them a lot about losing gracefully by doing it ourselves.

 

Children & Clothing Battles

“MOM!!! I have nothing to wear!”

“MOM!!! I’m only going to wear pink, twirly dresses from now on!”

“MOM!!! The only pants I like are sweatpants with elastic waists!”

“MOM!!! I know it’s snowing, but I have to wear shorts today!”

Have you every heard any of these – or similar – statements?  Ever have battles over clothing in your house?  Does each morning bring fights between you and your child about what they can (and cannot) wear to school?  Clothes are a big deal in my house.  With two young girls particular about what they wear, I frequently hear comments like the above.   So what’s a parent to do when their child begins asserting their own style and no longer wears the cute outfits you bought without complaint?

Set some ground rules. I pretty much have one in my house: I don’t care what you wear as long as it’s clean.  You may have some others: no skirts above a certain length, no low-cut tops, no underwear showing…you’ll have to pick a rule or two that suits your family.  Keep the list short though, the longer it is, the tougher it will be to enforce.

Is the fight really worth it? Often times it isn’t.  Does it really do anyone harm if your preschooler wears her princess dress to school?  Your 3rd grader only wears Broncos gear? Your high-schooler wears shorts all year ’round (in Michigan).  Probably not.  Identify times when you insist on “appropriate attire” i.e. church, visiting Grandma, family pictures, airplane rides (that was my mom’s rule – still don’t know why).  If it isn’t one of those special times – let it go.

Give them the responsibility. Older kids want certain clothes? Tell them to save up their money and buy them on their own.  Are they frustrated when their favorite top is dirty? Let them do their own laundry.  Are they irritated with the way their clothes look or fit?  Teach them how to iron and make simple alterations.

Get creative. If your child is really passionate about their attire – harness that creativity!  Embrace their enthusiasm and engage your budding fashionista.  Sewing classes, drawing lessons, books on fashion design – try checking out these resources instead of spending your energy fighting your kid.  Who knows, you might have the next Vera Wang on your hands!  As someone who spent part of high school wearing nothing but flower-child dresses, Birkenstocks, and crystal necklaces, I can appreciate that clothing preferences can be an ever-changing expression of a child’s personality.  Do we really want to squash it?

My solution to preschooler’s must-have item of the moment (simple black dress): design it & make it ourselves!

Top photo by: rlcasey

 

Tips for Talking with Teens

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I have teenagers on the brain this week.  I’ve seen a lot at work, talked to a few in my neighborhood, read a new book on cliques, and watched some singing on Glee.  When the authors of Talking Teenage sent me this blog on misconceptions teens have about their parents, that sealed the deal – I just had to write a post on teenagers.

I have to admit, I am a little bit afraid of teenagers.  They can be so dismissive.  Maybe it brings back insecurities of years past (or years present?); regardless, they have an uncanny way of making some of us adults feel simultaneously uncool and inadequate.  But when I read the article about the misconceptions teens have about their parents (and maybe other adults as well), it made me wonder if we unwittingly make the teens in our lives feel the exact same way?

What can we do to ensure that we all feel relevant, connected, and cool?

Use a cheat sheet. Use talking points written by others.  Try the blog post about teens, parents, and misconceptions.  Or try a list of conversation starters like this.  If those don’t go anywhere, try playing a game like Apples to Apples where words are part of the game.

Meet them where they are. Social media, X-box, Wii, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, Glee, University of Texas Football – get into what they’re into.  Not only will it give you something to talk about with your teen, but you might enjoy it as well.  Are you a Twihard? A Belieber? You’ll never know until you give it a try.

Talk a lot; listen more. I’ve heard folks say that we should say one word for every 10 our kids say to us.  That might not be a reality in some families, but it is a goal to shoot for.  Start the conversation, then let your teen take over.

Don’t freak out. Once your teen starts talking, he/she may say things that surprise or upset you.  Resist the urge to tell them why what they are  saying is wrong.  Play it cool and let them say what they want.  If you must freak out, do it later with another adult.  If the situation warrants more conversation with your teen, do it later when you’ve calmed down.

Good luck and have fun!  Teens are a full of interesting stories, insights, and emotions.  Relax and enjoy the ride.

Information Overload: Making the Most of Parenting Books

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Being a parent is a complicated job. The hours are long, the rules change constantly, and the end goal often seems out of reach. If you walk into a bookstore, the complexities of parenthood become even more evident.  Simply sifting through all the advice can be a daunting task.

Let me just be blunt: No parenting book as all the answers. Why? There are no hard and fast answers for all families, parents, or kids. However, lots of good information can be gained from parenting books if you keep the following in mind:

Four eyes are better than one. You will get more out of the book if you and your partner/spouse/co-parent read it together. Once you have both read the book, talk about it! Critique it, praise it, laugh about it – but do it together.

Skip the second half. Yes, really. Parenting books can become repetitive and dull. Generally all the information you need is in the first half of the book. So often I see parents who feel like they have to read an entire parenting book to really “get it.” Then of course they get distracted/run out of time/impatient and the whole thing becomes a waste. So, I’m giving you permission to read half the book – or simply skim the whole thing – you’ll get the message.

The kids in the books aren’t real. Just as the cute, smiling family on the toothpaste commercial are all actors, so are the families presented in the books. I myself have become discouraged when my children don’t respond to a parenting technique the way the kids in the book’s examples do.  Don’t let this de-rail you from your parenting efforts. The fact is, no child or family are like those presented in the books.  Think of them as little commercials from the author – entertaining to read about, but in the end nothing like real life.

Take what you can. Leave the rest. As I said, no book has all the answers, but almost all books have at least one or two helpful pieces of advice.  Resist the urge to forgo an entire book just because its author wrote a few weird things you don’t agree with.  Reading parenting books can be just like picking through a bag of candy: some of the pieces are inedible, some passable in a pinch, and a few simply sweet and just what you need.

With all of that said, here are a couple of books I frequently recommend:

 

This is a great book written by my pal Dr. David Palmiter. I even got to read an advance copy and write a review of the book!
This is a quick and dirty guide to dealing with 38 frustrating behaviors
Helping our kids create lifelong joy? What’s more important than that?

photo by: Brandon SL