Category: Parenting

Motherhood: Knowing How to Pick Your Battles

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jinnie Smith.  Welcome, Jinnie!

My name is Jinnie Smith.  I am the mother of Hannah, 30 and Megan, 27. BA in Political Science from University of Minnesota; Juris Doctorate from Indiana University School of Law, Indianapolis. Lived in Minnesota for 25 years where I froze every winter but look younger than I am as a result. I have lived in Indianapolis since 1997, where I am an Elder and currently serving as a Deacon at Northminster Presbyterian Church, Indianapolis.

Being Hannah and Megan’s mom crystalizes the word ‘joy’ for me.  The memories of their growing up years are filled with humor, frustration, and the astonishing moments when they say or do something that knocks your socks off. Hannah, with tears streaming down her face, talking about a doll she found during clean-up in the aftermath of a hurricane.  A phone call on my birthday from Megan and the youth group on a work trip in New Mexico. They all sang “Happy Birthday” together on the phone.

The best thing about being their mom right now is seeing the remarkable young women they have become. They are strong, intelligent and beautiful. Hannah campaigned actively for Obama in 2008 in some of the worst neighborhoods of Detroit. Megan is an outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, especially in our church. They are also 2 of the funniest people I have ever known.

When my husband was ill and dying, they both came home periodically and stayed for a week. I remember watching Hannah help Ron walk into the kitchen and teasing him about wanting to hold her hand. And Megan sobbing at his bedside when he was dying. He was in a coma and she thought no one was watching.

I have 2 pieces of advice that served me well as a mom.

1. Catch them being good! Acknowledge their positive behavior. Take advantage of teachable moments and help them learn from their poor decisions.

2. Pick your battles and be sure the ones you pick are the ones you have to win. If it is not morally, physically or legally threatening it might not be worth fighting about. I used to sit and watch MTV with the girls rather than forbidding it. I also commented on the videos and it paid off later in their words and actions. Megan told a boyfriend there was nothing funny about saying he was going to kick her butt. She sent him home. He later apologized.

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Moms: We’re All Just Doing the Best We Can

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Lynne Kendig.  Welcome, Lynne!

My name is Lynne Kendig and I am a recently retired family practice physician, married, and lucky to have my daughter and her family living nearby.

I have loved being a mom. My husband and I are now enjoying being grandparents to two very busy boys. One thing that amazes me is the amount of information “out there” for new parents to inquire about and absorb. I think it can be overwhelming. The digital world has made so many things easier, but it is just as easy to lose ourselves and the hours in the day.
When my daughter was little, we looked forward so much to vacationing at “the shore”, along the New Jersey coast. I think just watching the waves or walking along the beach gives you time to put life into perspective and solve some things your brain is working on. Here in Denver, the mountains give us that same sense of beauty, wonder and discovery. My advice would be to try to just be as present as you can. Play outdoors often. Listen. Take your time. And don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can.

Motherhood Must Haves? Crocs, Fruit Snacks, and Prayer

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Erin McNeil.  Welcome, Erin!

I’m a happy wife and mom of boys.  I hold bachelors and masters degrees in Social Psychology with an emphasis in Women & Adolescent Girls.
I’m currently undergoing Life Coach Training/Certification and hope to begin my life coach practice in early 2013.

In my opinion, 1 boy = 3 girls.   So, I really feel like I have 9 children.  With that said, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Motherhood has been all that I thought of and hoped for, and of course much more.  When my oldest son was only a few months old I was strolling through the mall.  A father smiled at me and then looking at my son said, “Every stage is my favorite“.  I took that as advice to live in the present.  I agree with him – every stage has been my favorite.  If only I could thank him for such great advice.
I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach respect and love in our home and have just recently seen the blessed results in having my children be their own best friends.  I can only hope and pray this will continue.  There is nothing I would rather do than raise these children.  I feel the weight and pressure of doing my very best to raise my boys to ultimately be good men.  With boys I’ve found the key to success is being silly, being active and having lots and lots of food – regardless of where you are.
Things I couldn’t do without = LEGOS, PBS’ “Curious George” TV show, Digital music, Crocs, Fruit Snacks, Swimming Pools, Miss Jen’s Joy School, Crayola Markers, Household Bleach & Prayer.

The Little Extras Make a Big Difference in Motherhood (and Life)

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Mandy Baron.  Welcome, Mandy!

Hi, I’m Mandy.  I am a part time Dental Hygienist in Dallas, Texas.   My Husband, Andrew, and I are parents to two little tornadoes boys; Austin (3) and Tyler (1).

We sometimes joke that we used to think we were great, single, individuals… then we got married.  We realized we both had a LONG list of improvements to be made.  We took a few years, learned a few things and again felt like pretty good people.  Then we had our two little boys and realized, again, we had our work cut out for us.  Being a mother has brought me joy, taught me countless lessons and continues to humble me every day.
I love the quote “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little “extra”- Jimmy Johnson.
Usually at the end of the day (while looking at the path of destruction caused by my tornadoes) the last thing I want to do is exert any effort or energy.  I have found that adding that little ”extra” has improved my relationship with my family.   Whether it is extra time for my kids, extra effort, extra time jumping on the trampoline, or extra chocolate chips in their pancakes I know the effort is appreciated.  I’m not saying by any means to over-do it; just take an extra five minutes.

Rules Without Relationship Leads to Rebellion in Teens

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Melony Bishop.  Welcome, Melony!

Melony Bishop
“temporarily retired” Occupational Therapist
Stay-at-home mom to Savannah – 16, Tyler – 10, Haley – 8, and Lexi – 5
Long Valley, NJ

As a mom, I’m a firm believer that “rules without relationship = rebellion”.
When I became a mom, my husband and I vowed that our relationships with our kids would remain paramount no matter what!  I hope and pray that as my kids continue to mature, that I will be able to keep that promise.
Something I’ve learned recently is the reality that my kids need to be able to trust my responses to them.  I have always thought that trust was kind of a one-way street between parents and kids…… parents needed to be able to trust their kids, not the other way around.  What I have come to learn is that my kids need to be able to trust ME!  They need to be able to trust that I will respect them, to trust that they can confide in me, to trust that I will not overreact to various situations, to trust that my love is unconditional, to trust that my yes means yes and my no means no, to trust that I will keep my word, to trust that I have their best interest in mind no matter what.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not consider my children equals to me, nor do I consider myself their “friend” before being their parent…… BUT my relationship with them needs to be a trustworthy one if I am to expect the highest level of fruit to be beared.
Kids are up against a lot of obstacles these days….. just as we were when we were young.  I want my kids to trust that they can come to me with anything!  In order for this to happen, I am finding that I must be diligent in my day-to-day responses to them so that I can remain a character in their lives that they can trust with all the nitty gritty of life.  The old adage, “don’t cry over split milk” applies here.  As a fairly reactionary type of person, I am likely to squeal and possibly rant and huff over an overturned glass at the dinner table……. to what result though?  I must purpose to keep control over my responses and reactions in all the dailies of life if I’m going to lay a solid foundation on which my kids can firmly plant their feet, in order to be sure that they’ll bring me the bigger “spills” in life as they grow up.

 

Do You Compare Yourself to Other Women?

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jenni Lillie.  Welcome, Jenni!

I’m a wife of a fun and energetic husband. I’m a mom of 4. 2 of those children I’ve had the privilege of holding and watch grow. My passion is photography and I love that I get to do it professionally. I love a good party, but need to refuel by being alone. I’m a great sleeper when I get the chance. I think I could win prizes if there were contests. I love it when I’m organized, but that feels like a challenge to get to that place. I love living in Colorado and seeing the mountains and beautiful sunsets from our windows.

I’ve been pondering this phrase for a week or so…there is no win in comparison. The past couple of weeks I’ve listened to a few talks by a man named Andy Stanley about comparison. They have really stretched me to look at some areas of my life where I compare myself to others. Motherhood and my business are areas where it is tempting for me to compare myself. I sometimes feel envious of other moms and fear I’m screwing up my kids. My husband and I joke that we need to start a counseling fund alongside the college fund.

Being a mom is one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced. I fight the feelings of failure and discouragement in my mothering everyday.  Anybody else? Maybe it’s just me. I desire to be a mom who lovingly parents out of who I am and who my kids are. I feel icky when I jump in the comparison pool. I want to be a woman who encourages the kids and moms around me, and not makes comparisons. I also desire to look at the children and moms around me and celebrate their uniqueness and differences. I really want to grow in this. Anybody else?

Motherhood = Laughter

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Amy Greenamyer, PhD.  Welcome, Dr. Greenamyer!

I’m a wife and mother of two who works as a psychologist in Louisville, KY. I specialize in infertility and pregnancy related adjustment, along with other women’s issues. I love napping, running, reading and snuggling with my family and the dog on a lazy Saturday morning.

Much of motherhood to me is about laughter– Laughter through tears, laughter that makes your sides hurt, laughter that you must stifle while hiding behind a magazine.

I have two kids, both of whom were born 10 weeks early. We have a combined 3 months experience with the NICU. Half-way into my son’s stay it was

Quinn at 6 weeks holding a mini-beanie baby

Sydney - ready for the grocery store!

Halloween time. Turns out that Build-A-Bear clothes fit preemies perfectly, and the company gives gift certificates to the NICU so parents can come pick a costume. Though tearful that we couldn’t trick-or-treat like a “normal” family, it was delightful to see these tiny babies dressed as turkeys, Santas and in Hawaiian garb.

My kids are healthy, happy typical 3 and 6 year olds now and bottomless pits of goofiness. Yesterday I actually had a debate with my son that he couldn’t use his ukulele as a pogo stick. They have picked up on my husband’s frustration while driving as noted by my son yelling “you dumb broad!” to a car who cut me off. It was all I could do to discipline him thru my inner laughter. My daughter dresses herself in the most unusual combinations of clothes and is proud to be unique.

Parenting is hard. I frankly don’t like the chronic nature of motherhood. There aren’t any vacations from the constant worry about their well-being. However, the absolute hilarity of what comes out of their mouths at any given time makes it all worth it for me.  Take time to laugh with (and at) your kids. The endorphins released while laughing is good for you and it teaches your kids not to take life so seriously.

Quinn asking: "What has my sister put on me now?"

Sacrifice, Tough Love, and Fun – All a Part of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Janice Beck.  Welcome, Janice!

I have been blessed to be an Early Childhood Educator and Director for 20 years (10 in public Kindergartens and 10 in my Church Preschool),
a wife of a thoughtful and Christian husband, and a mother of two. I was also blessed to be able to be a “stay-at-home” mom when my 2 sons (now 27 and 29) were in school,
but I did not stay-at-home very much, as I volunteered a lot in my church and in my sons’ classrooms teaching Art in the School and serving on School Parent Boards.

When my husband and I raised (and we continue to “raise” them with advise)
our two sons, now 27 and 29, we tried to be on the same page and use these:
5 Principles for Parenthood
1. Train your children up in faith, in “giving back” and in God’s Love.
2. Have fun with your children.  Enjoy every minute of parenthood–the good, the bad
and the ugly
3.  Be consistent in love and discipline.  Don’t be afraid to use “tough” love.  Believe
it or not, children want to be fairly disciplined.
4.  Have children take responsibility for their actions, as early as possible.
5.  Be a good role model and mentor for your children and spend some time taking care
of your needs. But remember, sacrificing for your children is part of loving them.

Solving Your Kids’ Problems? Not a Great Idea.

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Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Caroline Moore.

I am the mother of two daughters who are 10 years apart so in essence I had 2 “only” children.  I am an Occupational Therapist and have always worked part-time until my very recent retirement.  Although working part-time, I often felt I didn’t do the best job at either being a mother or a therapist, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I feel very fortunate that both my daughters live nearby and they and my 3 adorable grandchildren are a very important part of my life.

I really feel that my life began when I became a mother 37 years ago.  It has given me the most profound joys as well as the deepest pain but has made my life so full and rewarding.

The one tip I would pass on to others is that when your child faces tough times (in childhood, teenage years, adulthood), it’s best to communicate your love, support, and encouragement in various ways, even though it would be easier to stay away, take on the problem yourself, lecture, cry, or blame others.  Communication can be as simple as a hug, pat on the shoulder, supportive phone message, invitation to take a walk, or a shopping outing, or even just sit next to your struggling child.  Just knowing you are there in support of your child can help. You can’t  and shouldn’t solve your child’s problems but you can give them the strength they need to face the issues themselves.

The Smells of Motherhood

Welcome to Moms’ Month on Dr. Stephanie! This month I will be featuring guest posts from some awesome moms around the country.  They will be sharing tips, tricks, and funny stories about motherhood.  This will be a fun celebration – thanks for joining us!  Today’s author is Jeannie Hulse.

Hi I’m Jeannie Hulse, State Farm insurance agent in Erie, CO. I’m married to my best friend, Robert, and we have one son, Brian, who is 23 and serves in the military.

Jeannie's son Brian. Serviceman and light of her life!

Having grown up with brothers (three of them), I was quite prepared to raise a son (dirty hands, lots of cars and smelly sports equipment, etc).  What blew me away was and is the unconditional love I have for him.  I, like many mom’s,  had to juggle having a full time job, being a wife and mom and add being the only parent during the week  (my husband drove a truck over the road for the first 5 years of our son’s life).  My favorite memory of being a mom is the smells (baby powder to smelly hockey skates) and bedtime…we’d snuggle together and read books and talk about our day.  Those special times made every struggle and/or sacrifice worth every minute.