Talking to Troubled Kids

Talking to kids and teenagers when you suspect something is wrong at home, something’s different in their mood or when you think they might be in some kind of trouble with friends can be scary.  It’s hard to know what (and what not) to say.  Many of us are afraid to get involved for fear of making the situation worse, or putting ourselves in a vulnerable position as adults.

I (and a few other psychologists) recently helped the American Psychological Association assemble a tip sheet for talking with kids when you suspect they need help.  These tips are useful for teachers, neighbors, family members, friends – just about anyone who has contact with kids or teens.  Here’s my favorite tip from the list:

Be genuine. 

Try to avoid speaking from a script. Teens can tell when you’re not being genuine. If you are open, authentic and relaxed, it will help them to be the same.

To see more tips, check them out here at APA’s Help Center.

Managing Home Buying Stress

I have been composing this post about real estate stress for the past 2 1/2 months.  That’s also the length of time it has taken me to find a new house, put in an offer, sell my old house and move all my (and my family’s!) junk the couple miles across town to our new digs.  Funny it took me just a sentence to describe what has been a grueling, extremely stressful and altogether emotionally taxing period in life.

As I was going through all the ups and downs, I kept trying to use the stress management tips I offer in this blog and in my office (take deep breaths, long walks and carve out time for yourself!).  Guess what? None of them worked.  All I could think about was: “What if this all falls apart?”  “What if the buyers (or sellers) change their minds?”  “What is the house burns down?”  “What if I lose my mind before this is all over?”

Clearly new stress management tips were in order.  Here’s what I came up with:

Find an awesome realtor.  I was lucky enough to have a family friend who’s a realtor.  I had worked with him before and knew he had the patience to put up with my seriously poor stress management skills.  Working with a professional who was calm and trustworthy gave me confidence, knowing that my interests were being represented in the best way possible. Phew. One less thing to worry about!

Exercise. Like nobody’s business.  One of the only things I found even remotely stress-relieving during the past couple of months was really intense exercise.  So intense that I couldn’t talk or think about anything other than making it to the end of the workout.  This might not be a good long-term stress management strategy, but it gave me moments of stress relief that were well worth the sore muscles!

Talk to people who don’t care.   It didn’t matter whether I was with my mom, my husband, my kids’ teachers or my neighbors: I found myself talking about real estate ALL THE TIME!  How annoying is that?  I was able to catch a moment of relief when talking to people who didn’t care about (or wouldn’t put up with) my real estate rantings.  Sometimes it was my office building mates, other times it was the grocery clerk – regardless, it was nice to re-enter reality once in a while and realize not everyone’s life revolved around my home sale. Duh.

Quit watching HGTV.  I am sad to say that my tried-and-true stress management strategy of watching House Hunters failed me when I needed it most.  For the past 10+ years I have found solace in the show, but not this time.  I ended up getting angry (and even more stressed) at the happy home buyers who showed not a shred of worry!  There were no tears, sleepless nights or un-provoked rants to be found!  Do you mean this “reality show” isn’t representative of reality after all? Good grief.

Listen to loud music that has nothing to do with home buying.  Similar to exercising like Jillian Michaels, I found that listening to music gave me some moments of peace.  But this called for a different type of music: nothing “soothing” or sappy would do.  Instead I turned to songs that had absolutely nothing to do with the process on my mind.  I listened to songs like this.  After all, there’s not much that could be further from my real  life, than pop stars trolling South Florida clubs for some…ahem…companionship.

Want more ideas for managing stress? Check some out here.

Creating Happiness – Cookies!

Last month was the Picture of Happiness month here on Dr. Stephanie.  I celebrated various ways to find happiness with lots of guest authors who shared photos and stories of finding happiness.  One of the authors, Megan, shared a picture of a delicious dessert as the source of happiness! Here it is:

Screen shot 2014-05-29 at 5.48.29 AMI asked Megan to share her recipe for this deliciousness, here it is:

I use the recipe on the back of the Nestle bag of chocolate chips and vanilla bean ice cream.  I use a metal cake pan (any size will do, really) and grease it with a little butter, spread in some dough and bake at 500 degrees for 3-4 minutes 🙂

Happy Baking!

The Picture of Happiness – The Jersey Shore

We’re into June, but the Pictures of Happiness keep coming!

Today’s guest is Dr. Jen Harned Adams, she says:

Ocean City, NJ is my happy place! Although I moved away from the east coast almost 20 years ago, “the shore” has always had a special place in my heart and I have many happy memories of spending part of my summers there as a child. Now that I am a mom, we travel as a family back to OCNJ each summer, creating new memories every year.

JA

Jen is a clinical psychologist specializing in women's health, who works in private practice and consults for Presbyterian/ St Luke's Hospital in Denver, CO. She loves spending time with her kiddos and husband, and one wild yellow lab. Always interested in learning something new, she's decided to learn to play tennis this summer!

Jen is a clinical psychologist specializing in women’s health, who works in private practice and consults for Presbyterian/ St Luke’s Hospital in Denver, CO. She loves spending time with her kiddos and husband, and one wild yellow lab. Always interested in learning something new, she’s decided to learn to play tennis this summer!

The Picture of Happiness – Jogging

It’s the Picture of Happiness Month!

Today’s guest is accountant Thuy Le, she says:

An early morning jog outdoors makes me happy!!…At home in beautiful Colorado, and especially in a new place while on vacation!  I get to breathe in the fresh air, look up and enjoy all the natural beauty around me, and I think to myself, how lucky I am to be here and in this moment!  This picture was taken during a jog in Kona, Hawaii. 

TL

I'm a mom of two: Son 14, daughter, 10.  I am an accountant, working full-time from home, for an insurance premium audit company in Connecticut.  I enjoy spending time with my family, jogging, baking/cooking, shopping, and traveling.

I’m a mom of two: Son 14, daughter, 10. I am an accountant, working
full-time from home, for an insurance premium audit company in
Connecticut. I enjoy spending time with my family, jogging,
baking/cooking, shopping, and traveling.

The Picture of Happiness – Gardening

It’s The Picture of Happiness Month!

Today’s guest is Lanae Davis, she says:

Spring time gardening makes me happy!  We love to get our vegetable garden started early indoors, water it and watch the seedlings sprout up.  And when spring arrives, we transplant these seedlings outside to the garden! 

Warm weather + seedlings = happiness for Lanae Davis

Warm weather + seedlings = happiness for Lanae Davis

Lanae Davis M.P.A., is a Research Associate at the Center for Policy Research in Denver, Colorado.  Since 1997, Ms. Davis has worked with numerous State and local government agencies to implement, execute and evaluate innovative strategies to improve the lives of low-income families in Colorado and across the nation.  Ms. Davis has co-authored articles on her research related to employment, re-entry and access and visitation programs that serve low income  parents in Family Court Review, Corrections Today and Child Support Report.  Lanae is a wife and mother to her two beautiful children, Meadow and Kash and lives in Broomfield.  In her free time she loves to enjoy the beautiful Colorado mountains with her family by hiking, skiing and is an avid runner and triathlete.

Lanae Davis M.P.A., is a Research Associate at the Center for Policy Research in Denver, Colorado. Since 1997, Ms. Davis has worked with numerous state and local government agencies to implement, execute and evaluate innovative strategies to improve the lives of low-income families in Colorado and across the nation. Ms. Davis has co-authored articles on her research related to employment, re-entry and access and visitation programs that serve low income parents in Family Court Review, Corrections Today and Child Support Report. Lanae is a wife and mother to her two beautiful children, Meadow and Kash and lives in Broomfield. In her free time she loves to enjoy the beautiful Colorado mountains with her family by hiking, skiing and is an avid runner and triathlete.

The Picture of Happiness – Sunflower

It’s The Picture of Happiness Month!

Today’s guest is Jeannie Hulse.  She says:

Sunflowers remind me of home….I grew up with fields of sunflowers surrounding our home in Nebraska.

For Jeannie Hulse, sunflowers + memories of home = happiness

For Jeannie Hulse, sunflowers + memories of home = happiness

 

Screen shot 2014-05-06 at 12.14.57 PM

I’ve been a State Farm agent for 12 years and love helping my customers with their insurance and financial needs. I began my career as a junior in high school working for a local State Farm agent and have been in the business ever since.

The Picture of Happiness – The Pool

It’s The Picture of Happiness Month!

Today’s guest is life coach Erin McNeil, she says:

Ahhhh…the neighborhood lap pool.  It’s JUST about to open for the summer.  I wait until all the little ones are eating dinner with their families or getting ready for bed,  I leave my little ones to eat and get ready for bed with their Dad and I sneak on over for an hour.  It is bliss. And happiness.

The neighborhood pool = happiness for Erin McNeil

The neighborhood pool = happiness for Erin McNeil

 

Erin holds a Masters Degree in Social Psychology and has a private practice as a Certified Professional Life Coach.  She loves to swim laps, watch football, quote funny movies, eat candy, laugh with her children and travel.

Erin holds a Masters Degree in Social Psychology and has a private practice as a Certified Professional Life Coach. She loves to swim laps, watch football, quote funny movies, eat candy, laugh with her children and travel.