Tag: erie counselor

Stress, Age and Money: Younger Americans Most Stressed About Finances

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The American Psychological Association’s annual Stress in America survey was released today.

The good news: Overall, Americans report experiencing less stress

The bad news: Younger Americans and parents tend to report more stress – particularly about money – than other Americans

Now, this is no great surprise.  Young adulthood is a super-expensive time in life.  First cars, first homes, student loans, babies: all these things combined with relatively low, early-career salaries combine to make money tight in a lot of young households.  What is surprising is that the APA survey found that younger, stressed out Americans tend to manage their stress in unhealthy ways when compared to other groups.  This might mean drinking too much alcohol or engaging in sedentary activities for too much time (surfing the internet or watching TV).

The real bummer is that we know chronic, high levels of stress are no good for our health in the long term.  In fact, high levels of stress can lead to depression, cardiovascular disease, and all sorts of other things.

Check out the complete results to learn more about APA’s Stress in America survey.

#stressapa

Book That Vacation Now!

One of my favorite vacation spots: Seaside, Florida

One of my favorite vacation spots: Seaside, Florida

This time of year can be rough.  Long nights, short days, cold, wind, snow.  Ugh.  And for those of us in my neck of the woods (Northern Colorado), spring is a looonnnnnggggg way off.  I don’t even want to think about it.

I was recently reminded how important vacations are.  Sure, they’re nice in the summer; but it’s this time of year when they can work some serious magic on mental health.  And it’s not just about the pretty photos you get by the beach (though those are nice, too).  Vacationing is an important part of overall health.  Here’s the scoop:

  • We all need a break from our day-to-day duties and responsibilities.  Sometimes I feel like if I fold one more hoodie, make one more trip to the post office, or drag the trash cans to the curb one more time I will scream! These tasks aren’t hard, but they get boring.  And work can become taxing and overwhelming for everyone at times.  In order to stay fresh and motivated to participate in the work of our lives – whatever that work may be – we need a break every now and then.
  • It can be easy to take what we have for granted.  Sometimes traveling or taking a little vacation can give us a new perspective that allows us to see our lives in a whole different light.
  • It can be hard to truly relax or “unwind” when we are caught up in to-do lists and the momentum of everyday.  Vacations – even a night or two away – can give us the chance to put down the phone, turn off the alarm and good a decent night’s sleep for once.
  • Good memories: making them, remembering them, and trying to re-create them are all important pieces of maintaining healthy relationships.  No one ever reminisced: “Remember that time we paid the mortgage on time? That was so fun!”  Vacations are not only enjoyable, but also meaningful, and allow us to create and share memories with the ones we love.  And some of the best memories are made when we are on vacation.

Vacations don’t need to be expensive, fancy or glamorous.  A trip to the local Super 8 is adventure enough.  And it might be just what the doctor ordered to get through the next few months of winter.

Why Therapy?

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“Therapy is a waste of time and money.”

“You don’t need therapy if you have good friends.”

“Therapists just want to change people into something they’re not.”

“I should be able to fix my problems myself.”

“I don’t believe in therapy.”

I have heard all these things in my 15+ years in the field of psychology.  And honestly I, too sometimes wonder what the heck therapy (and therapists!) are good for.  Does anything of real importance actually happen in the therapy office? Are people really helped by “talk therapy” or is it all a scam?  Would be all be better off just popping a pill and calling a psychic?

The answers to these questions are:

  • Powerful things can happen in therapy.
  • Yes, people are really helped by talking about their problems.
  • And, no, we’re not better off just popping pills.

Here are some of the reasons I believe therapy is so powerful:

  • There are few other situations in life in which you get to be the center of attention for a full hour.  Therapy is a time in which you get to call the shots, meaning: you get to choose what to talk about, how to talk about it, and when to move onto another topic.  I tell my clients that the therapy session is “their time” to do with whatever they like.  When else does that happen?
  • Talking to a therapist can seem like talking to a friend, at least at first.  But it differs in some important ways: your therapist doesn’t tell you about their own problems, fears, etc and your therapist doesn’t have a dog in the fight.  Meaning, it doesn’t matter to your therapist if you take job A or job B; choose boyfriend C or D; or quit calling your mother for 3 months.  Her feelings won’t be hurt no matter how you live your life.  Her main priority is that you improve your mental health.
  • The therapy office is a safe place to try out new ways of thinking, understanding and interacting with your world.  Because sharing your life with your therapist is just the first part of the therapy, the subsequent (and more interesting and transformative) parts include challenging your old ways of thinking and behaving in the hope of getting to a different place psychologically.  This takes time and effort – and yes, even a little discomfort at times – but is at the heart of the therapeutic process.
  • When push comes to shove I view myself as an educator.  I educate folks about all sorts of different things in the course of my typical day: child development, parenting, stress management, mental health – the list goes on and on.  Why read a million self help books when you can get a one-on-one tutoring session?

No doubt about it, therapy is a pretty weird and intimidating process.  But it’s powerful and worthwhile.  Want more information about psychotherapy and how it works? Check out more articles here.

 

Book Review: Mindful Parenting

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I spend a lot of time worrying about the super-fast, frenzied, hectic pace of our world.  I especially worry about the affect this pace has on our kids.  Questions like:

  • Are my kids too busy?
  • Do they know how to relax, be bored and unwind?
  • What will the long-term effects of our plugged in, crazy world be on them down the road?

When I discovered the book, Mindful Parenting, I was glad to see that someone else was a little worried too.  Dr. Kristen Race‘s book is a wonderful resource for parents who are concerned about stress in their kids.  She does a nice job explaining stress from  biological perspective, and also offers many do-able, down-to-earth strategies for helping kids (and parents too!) de-stress in an otherwise stressed out world.  I especially enjoyed her tips for kids who are “addicted” to screens, and those who are over-scheduled.

Mindfulness is a pretty hot topic these days.  Dr. Race‘s definition of mindfulness is:

Paying attention to the present moment without judgment

Mindfulness is the opposite of worry and multi-tasking.  It’s the opposite of zoned-out TV watching and snack eating.  What it is, can be hard to grasp – but Dr. Race and many others believe it is worth striving for because of its benefits for health.  Luckily, she offers LOTS of ideas about how to become a more mindful family (and hopefully raise more mindful children).  I like this sort of hands-on, easy-to-try parenting book.  Nothing too complicated, but filled with strategies that are simple enough to use today.

I recommend Mindful Parenting for families who feel like their lives are moving too quickly, or too filled with technology and outside activities.  Check it out here.

New Years Resolutions That Work

I always make New Years resolutions.  Some years they are pretty serious and challenging, other years they are more light-hearted and fun.  Either way, I think using the first couple weeks of January to take stock of where you are, where you’ve been and where you would like to go is a good use of time.

Like everyone else, my New Years resolutions often include things related to healthier living.  These might include resolutions involving nutrition, exercise, home management (financial matters, tidy-ness, etc).

But I also like to include resolutions involving my social well-being and relationships.  This might mean taking a look at how I spend my time and who I spend it with.  Am I spending my time as wisely as I spend my money?  Are there relationships that need to be re-kindled?  Others that need to be changed or ended?  Having a healthy, fulfilling social life (and that means very different things to different people) is a huge part of overall mental health, so it should be a part of our New Years resolutions too!

Sometimes I add a professional goal to my list of resolutions – some years it just feels important to make some changes, and some years things have been humming along just fine.  Either way, January is a great time to ask yourself: “Am I where I would like to be professionally?” or “Where would I like to be at the end of the year and what can I do to get there?”

Lastly, I like to add at least one (sometimes more) resolution involving my hobbies.  Some years it has been as simple as “find a new hobby” other years it has been more refined (like the year I resolved to learn to crochet).  This year I have resolved to write down all the books I read (I read 2-3 each week so it feels important to keep track!).  Regardless of what it is, avocations – or hobbies – are another important part of overall mental health so they need to be included too.  Plus these resolutions tend to be a lot more fun – and easier – than going vegan or working out everyday.

Regardless of your resolutions, remember to keep them reasonable and do-able for your best chance of success!

What are your resolutions this year?

 

 

Suicide and the Holidays

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I have spent way too much time in the last 5 days grieving people in my community who have taken their own lives.  It’s been horrible.

I don’t know if we (meaning my little town in Northern Colorado) are the norm or not, but we have been inundated with loss since the end of November.  We are all shaking our heads and wiping our eyes, and wondering the same things:

Why?

and

What could we have done differently?

Sadly, we won’t ever get answers to these questions (the cruel and heartless aftermath of suicide).  In fact, even the most expert of the experts on suicide struggle to know how best to prevent it.  So here’s my thought:

We have to talk about it

Often

With everyone

What I mean is: we need to talk with our kids about suicide and sadness and rash decisions from the moment they can understand such things (which is probably younger than we give them credit for).  We need to talk to our parents and grandparents and nieces and nephews.  We need to talk to our partners and spouses about coping with feelings of sadness and despair.  We need to make resources like this available and even prominent in our homes.

The holidays can be painful and lonely for so many of us.  But suicide never helps.

Reach out, talk and share.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK

 

 

Cyber Monday: Good for Mental Health?

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Shopping is one of those tricky things that can be both good and bad for mental health.  On the one hand, shopping can be a fun distraction and excursion with friends.  It can also be relaxing when done alone, when you can spend 20 minutes perusing purple necklaces if that’s what you want to do – and with no one bugging you to move on to Cinnabon.

The downside, of course can be that when done to excess, shopping can quickly become out of control and wreak havoc on finances.  This time of year can be particularly treacherous when there are so many SALES and DEALS and SAVINGS!  It’s tough to resist all these “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunities to save (and spend) money.

With all the pros and cons of shopping in mind, I have decided to do something new this year: make all of my holiday purchases on-line.  I have decided to test the theory that on-line shopping will be better for my mental health than mall shopping.  Here are the few of the reasons I think this hypothesis is true:

  • As I get older I have less patience for crowds and loud noises – both of which are abundant in malls and shopping centers
  • When I shop in a brick and mortar store I am super-susceptible to buying things a) I don’t need b) the people I’m buying gifts for don’t want (how many Bath and Body Works products do any of us really need, anyway? ugh)
  • I love seeing packages waiting at my front door – silly, but true
  • Shopping on-line allows me to be a lot more clever and creative than I am in real life.  Google “great gifts for 10 year old boys” and you have more cool, educational AND fun gift ideas than you will ever need

I was recently contacted by Pearl & Clasp about taking a look at some of their earrings.  It was meant to be.  My online shopping experiment ready to go, together with my LOVE LOVE LOVE for jewelry – we made a perfect pair!

Here’s what arrived on my doorstep (it’s looking good already!):

9mm Button Pink Freshwater earrings Pearl & Clasp

9mm Button Pink Freshwater earrings
Pearl & Clasp

Darling little (but not-too-little), pink pearl earrings.  They are very sweet and would work for an adult or a young girl – not that I will be giving mine away.  This online shopping stuff is definitely improving my mental health so far!

Want to do a little shopping of your own? Check out Pearl & Clasp’s holiday deals.

 

Book Review: Pastrix The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint

I was introduced to this book by a segment on Colorado Public Radio in which author Nadia Bolz-Weber was interviewed.  To say I was intrigued is an understatement.  It was one of those radio interviews where I continued to sit in my car long after I had pulled into my garage.  Naturally, I rushed out to read her book for myself.

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It literally changed my life.

I’m not overstating things either.

A quick summary: Nadia Bolz-Weber is a Lutheran pastor in Denver, CO.  In the book she describes the evolution of her life and faith into what it is now (still growing and imperfect).  She leads a new and sort of renegade church in Denver which opens its doors to everyone – the homeless, the mentally ill, folks of all genders and ideas – they even open their doors to suburban-living, cardigan-wearing soccer moms (eek! that’s me!).  It is this last group who she describes as the hardest of all to accept (oh boy).

The book is funny and super honest.  She isn’t what you’d expect from a Lutheran pastor – or a pastor of any kind actually – and that’s what makes her remarkable.  She’s open about the life she lived before becoming a pastor (hint: lots of drugs and sex) and she’s open about the things with which she struggles now (being nice, keeping sarcasm at bay, understanding her relationship with God) – and does all of this while using plenty of foul language.  It’s pretty f**ing fascinating.  Oops! She must be rubbing off on this soccer mom.

Ms. Bolz-Weber makes lots of interesting points in the book, and grapples with many theological issues, but my favorite is this

We are constantly trying to divide the world into us vs. them.  When we do that, it can make life easier for us to understand, but it does nothing but drive the world further apart (and us further from God, if you believe in that sort of thing). 

(my quotes, not hers)

I would recommend this book to the following people:

  • Christians
  • Non-Christians
  • Women
  • Men
  • People who struggle with their identity in any way, shape or form
  • People searching for meaning
  • People searching for connection
  • Folks who find “liturgical dancing” creepy (…you’ll have to read the book to figure out what that means)

In short – READ THIS BOOK.